The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

This Lady is a Jardeen Rose . The Jardeen Roses are the sworn enemies of the HaNazee

The Tribe Of The 57th Flower

By Spaced Teacher

And so the battle raged for many millenia. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao always trying to drive Sheng Di from her Kingdom. Sheng Di playfully toying with and constantly frustrating Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. Until in the mid 20th Century Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao launched an attack against Sheng Di known in the West as " The Attack Of The Ferocious Kitten ". Sheng Di knew this attack was coming but she underestimated it's ferocity. She had been caught semi-unprepared. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had won a small insignificant battle in this never ending war between them. He had succeeded in highly aggravating Sheng Di. He had her full undivided attention now.

Sheng Di retreated to the Divinely Cloud Shrouded Yellow Mountains and set about planning her counter attack. She had something planned for Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao that was genius in it's subtlety and visciousness. For 30-40 years she planned , she recruited , she trained , and she plotted.Phase one was complete.

In the last two decades of the century she quietly and slowly launched her attack. First she arranged for the leader of the pai ku ta { the most powerful nation of foreigners} to visit Jardeen. He came bearing gifts of friendship and felicity for the Righteous Jardeen people and cooperation for the Jardeen leadership. The "Seed Of Felicity" had been planted. Over the course of the next few years good feelings prevailed between the Jardeen people and all the pai ku nations. Then Sheng Di quietly infiltrated her newest troops.Phase two was complete.

The Tribe Of The 57th Flower were pai ku{foreign} people from all pai ku nations of the world. Most of them were light haired,light skinned and light eyed but not all of them. It did not matter to Sheng Di what the pai ku looked like but rather what they believed. All of these pai ku were "Kindred Spirits". All of these pai ku knew of the ancient curse of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao upon the Righteous Jardeen people.All of these pai ku wanted to help the Righteous Jardeen people be rid of this curse but were powerless to help until this very moment in history. All of them were friends to the Righteous Jardeen people. Sheng Di had been recruiting them and training them for over thirty years. And NOW was the time to release them to do their job. FREE the Righteous Jardeen people from the ancient eternal curse of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. Over the course of the next few years " The Tribe Of The 57th Flower" quietly went about their business. Slowly the " Seed Of Felicity" which had been planted began to take root and become a strong sturdy young oak.They helped the Righteous Jardeen people understand what was possible when freedom and a good attitude were your allies. They arranged for cultural visits in music , art, literature and all other endeavors of human creativity to come visit Jardeen and show the Righteous Jardeen people the cultures of all the pai ku nations. They also arranged reciprocal visits of Jardeen cultural and sports events to tour the pai ku nations for the pai ku people's understanding of Jardeen. They taught in Jardeen universities so the Jardeen students could understand pai ku education. They arranged for Jardeen and pai ku students to study in each others countries.They were very very effective.Sheng Di's plan was masterful!! Phase three was complete.

In the last 12 years of the century Shawng Dee brought the Economic Messiah as the prophecy predicted. His name was Deng Xiao Ping. He unleashed economic prosperity upon the Righteous Jardeen people the fashion of which had never before been seen in history. He lifted them from their poverty and dismal futures into a time of great hope and anticipation. The "Seed Of Felicity" which Sheng Di had planted many years ago was now " The Mighty Oak Of The Righteous Jardeen Nation"!!

To this very day "The Mighty Oak Of The Righteous Jardeen Nation" thrives. When will phase 5 begin? What will it be like? Is Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao beaten finally and decisively?Will the evil eternal curse Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao cast upon the Righteous Jardeen people be lifted FINALLY?

Only Shawng Dee knows and she isn't telling ANYONE yet. Stay tuned it should be interesting. Friends ALWAYS seek "The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine" " The Dragons Of The Gardens And Forests" "The Tribe Of The 57th Flower" and Sheng Di herself and peace and prosperity shall be yours.

By the Grace of Li Tan. May peace be upon you.

Readers please be aware that these stories of " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. " Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee " are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while " The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan" is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner's perspective.You're probably thinking " My God how presumptuous of him." Trust me somebody had to do it. They've had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author's ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can't remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It's part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity's gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos " will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the HaNazee’s sworn enemies.

The Birth Of The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

By Spaced Teacher

Long before the reign of what are now known as the HaNazees the land that the HaNazee now occupy was known as Jardeen. It was a beautiful and prosperous land until the evil first Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was able to conquer the peace loving Jardeen people and unleash the curse upon them which would eventually change their whole culture and civilization. Many of them became the HaNazee people and their country became known as HaNazeeland. There are still many Jardeen people left in HaNazeeland but life is very difficult for them since they have been conquered by the foul tiny minority known as The HaNazee.

Having a few spare hours last evening I decided it was time to do some more studying about Jardeen culture. I was curious about their religion / philosophy. I decided to read “The Kiree Jal”.Their Holy book. For you foreign people it would be roughly equivalent to The Holy Bible , The Torah , The Koran or The Kama Sutra. By the time I was finished my knowledge had expanded at least fivefold. I also had an epiphany which I will now share with you.

In ancient Jardeen times about 5,000 years ago when the Jardeen culture was in it’s infancy the first Emperor,Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had a personal garden in his courtyard which he was very fond of. He also had virgin forests throughout his Kingdom which were his pride and joy. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was a despotic King with an evil heart. He was not however stupid. Being ever mindful of the consequences of jangling the Jardeen people’s sensitive natures he stepped lightly whenever he could.As part of this policy since he liked children largely because he didn’t view them as a threat and because the sound of their laughter was soothing music to his troubled soul, he would let the Court’s children play in his garden. One day a beautiful innocent girl child by the name of Li Tan was playing there and came upon a rose and some jasmine growing side by side both of which had very unusual scents. Since she was a loving child she picked the rose for her Mother who liked roses and the jasmine for her Father who liked jasmine. When the Emperor heard of this he was furious!! He summonsed the child and her parents. He asked the child why she had picked the flower. The child said because they were beautiful and her Mommy and Daddy liked flowers. She also said something that totally confused the Emperor. She asked in a sweet innocent voice why the Emperor didn’t know of the power of the scent of these flowers and why he didn’t know that these were blessed by Sheng Di. Once again he was furious !!How could this mere girl child know something he didn’t? How could she be so impertinent as to cause him to lose face in front of his own Court? He was also not thinking clearly. He banished Li Tan and her family to live forever in the gloom of Shar Veesta!! Or so he thought. He also decreed that all the people of his Kingdom were to plant seeds from “The Tree Of Ignorance” in his forests and seeds from “The Flower Of Chaos” in his own personal garden.This was done to remind the people of the Emperor’s power. The people being very fearful of the evil despotic Emperor complied willingly except for a small group of about 80 women and twenty men who objected to these decisions in the most strenuous of terms , to no avail.

The Emperor while he realized the inherent danger he had created for himself also realized that 100 people were not enough to cause him any more than a minor irritation. However he didn’t even want to deal with minor irritations so he agreed to let these 100 honor Li Tan and her family in any acceptable way they chose. The 100 chose to plant a rose garden of the variety of rose that Li Tan had picked right in the middle of the Emperor’s own court and to plant jasmine also of the type that Li Tan had picked throughout the Kingdom’s forests. Much to the Emperor’s chagrin they named the rose garden “Li Tan’s Rose Garden Of Joyous Harmony” and the jasmine forests ” Li Tan’s Forest Of Peaceful Enlightenment”

Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had unknowingly and by his own free will turned his virgin forests into “The Forest of Ignorance”and his own personal garden into “The Garden Of Chaos” and cursed the Jardeen people for a period of 7,000 years. The Jardeen people by freely doing as the Emperor ordered had effectively cursed themselves.

Sheng Di , God of the Righteous Jardeen and the lao wai A.K.A. foreigners sitting on her throne high in the Heavenly clouds of Yellow Mountains was not at all pleased with these shenanigans of the Emperor. The first thing she did was rescue Li Tan and her family and bring them to live a peacfeul joyous eternal life with her in Yellow Mountains. Then she waited patiently for the Emperor’s prayers of forgiveness. Six days passed and then they came.

After six days had passed the Emeperor having calmed down and returned to a rational thought pattern realized what he had done. He came to the conclusion that he had behaved badly and that his actions must be undone. Since he was Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao the most powerful man in the Kingdom who could he turn to. He had no clue. He agonized about this for what seemed like an eternity. As he was sitting in front of “Li Tan’s Rose Garden Of Joyous Harmony” pondering his quandry he heard a little boy by the name of Quai Con Cain praying to Sheng Di. The Emperor curious to know why this little boy was doing this called him over and asked him to explain. The little boy being “A Kindred Spirit” and a believer gladly told him the story of Sheng Di . The Emperor was not even slightly convinced but figured “What the Hell have I got to lose?” Up went the prayer of contrition. “Oh please help me Sheng Di . I have done a terrible thing.” Sheng Di answered but not in the way Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao expected. Sheng Di explained that while she could not undo something that was done of the Emperor’s own free will she could and would help him. The Emperor accepted. What the Emperor didn’t realize was that Sheng Di wasn’t suggesting what he do or asking him to do it she was telling him to do as she instructed.The Emperor unused to being told what to do especially by a woman refused. Sheng Di being omnipotent, female and of rational mind suspected what was going to happen next. She was prepared. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao being a Jardeen Male of HaNazee tendencies , weak of intellect and character and of a spiteful nature reacted exactly as Sheng Di expected. He ordered all the people to go out and plant more seeds from “The Tree Of Ignorance” and ” The Flower Of Chaos” throughout his Kingdom. After all he reasoned “I am the King!!” “Who does this Sheng Di think she is?”

All of the people except The 100 followed the Emperor’s orders faithfully and reverently. The Emperor was extremely pissed at The 100. This time he was not going to entertain any excuses. He banished them to the gloom and doom of Shar Veesta as he had tried to do the first time they crossed him. Once again he failed. At that very moment the Heavens parted and Sheng Di in a thunderous ominous voiced warned the Emperor to never threaten The 100 in any way again and whisked The 100 away to Huang Shan on ” The Yellow Light Of Bong Ti ” to live a joyous peaceful life with her , and Li Tan and her family. And to train for a Divine Mission.

On the morning of the Seventh Day the Orders of “The Sisters of The Jardeen Rose ” and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” were born. And so was “The Emperor’s Legion Of The Brothers And Sisters of Jardeen{HaNazee} Chaos And Ignorance”.

ON The Seventh Day the Emperor had had enough of this infernal Sheng Di’s meddling in his affairs. He cursed Sheng Di and rebuked her authority over his Kingdom. He had pronounced himself her sworn enemy!! He also gave birth to” The Emperor’s Legion Of Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen{ HaNazee} Chaos And Ignorance” and pronounced himself their Eternal Leader. Believing profoundly in the purity of his philosophy and heart he pronounced himself “Yellow Devil Of The East” “The Eternal Leader ” of “The Emperor’s Legion OF Brothers And Sisters Of Jardeen { HaNazee}Ignorance And Chaos” Their Kingdom, is somewhere in the East of HaNazeeland. Only Sheng Di knows eactly where. He gave them a two fold mission. To always sow the seeds of chaos and ignorance wherever they had the chance and to always confuse and frustrate the foreigners for bringing that infernal meddling God of the Righteous Jardeen and foreigners Sheng Di into his Kingdom.He also made them swear a Sacred Oath to him. The oath was very simple yet powerful in it’s sublety. It was this “Wo Bu Zhi Dao” or in English.”I DON’T KNOW!! ” This oath was a cunning move on his part. It assured that his name Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao would be spoken repeatedly by the HaNazee Jardeen people for the eternity of their history. He also required them to wear a mystical invisible veil at all times. This veil is known to “The Sisters and Brothers” as “The Veil Of Chosen Ignorance” As long as “The Brothers and Sisters of Ignorance And Chaos” are wearing it they can’t be accepted or persuaded. This veil also can’t be removed forcibly even by “The Sisters and Brothers Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” If a “Brother or Sister Of Ignorance And Chaos” wishes to be accepted or persuaded they must remove it themselves. Prophecy says that at “The Battle of Xi Chan” Sheng Di herself will remove the veils from “The Brothers and Sisters Of Ignorance and Chaos ” thus freeing them and vanquishing Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao decisively and for all eternity.

The current practitioners of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s philosophy are —– Are you sitting down? Are you ready? Is the suspense killing you??——-

The HaNazees . Their Leadership Council is called The Committee of 17!!!

Also on The Seventh Day in the cool of the morning mists covering The Huang Shan like a Divine veil Sheng Di launched her mission. She took the The 100 and divided them equally into two groups. All twenty men and thirty of the women became “The Order Of The Sisters and Brothers of The Jardeen Jasmine” Since Li Tan’s Father was a righteous man in the eyes of Sheng Di he was their leader. By Righteous Jardeenic Scripture however since he was still a Jardeen man. Even though Sheng Di viewed him as a Righteous Jardeen man she knew that all Jardeen men are susciptible to the temptations of HaNazeeism therefore she decreed that his Second In Command must always be a Sister. The second group was to become “The Order Of The Jardeen Rose” and their leader was Li Tan’s mother. Li Tan herself sits at the right hand of Sheng Di. She acts as the liason advisor from Sheng Di to both “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose”and “The Sisters and Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine”. Righteous Jardeenic Scripture says emphatically that Li Tan will be the pivotal decisive force in “The Battle Of Xi Chan” The Jardeen “Apocalypse” “The Sisters of The Jardeen Rose” and “The Sisters and Brothers of The Jardeen Jasmine’s” mission is to counter Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s forces whenever and wherever they are found by any means acceptable within the dictates of Righteous Jardeenic Religious Law. Believe me when I tell you that when “The Sisters and Brothers” encounter Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s forces they have wide latitude as to their response.They have also been instructed by Sheng Di to faithfully assist all foreigners in difficulty during their travels in HaNazeeland. Sheng Di has a kind regard for foreigners. They are her “Chosen People” They were the first ones to proclaim her. They are also charged with preaching the Gospel of Sheng Di. Also on that morning Sheng Di cast four spells. The first was upon Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. He was cursed with “The Eternal Scent Of The Jardeen Rose and Jasmine” The “Sisters and “Brothers”scents would be with him for eternity.It would always be there right on the tip of his bezi. I can only imagine what agony that is for him. All the Jardeen men that followed Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s orders to plant seeds of ignorance and chaos were cursed with “The Plague Of Indecision” This was because in Sheng Di’s eyes they were unrighteous , proud , ignorant and lazy.In other words HaNazee men. It seemed appropriate to her to never let them make an easy decision. After all the one time they had a chance to make one they messed up the whole Righteous Jardeen history and culture. I tend to agree with her.This curse is appropriate.All the Jardeen women that followed Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s orders to plant seeds of ignorance and chaos were forever cursed with”The Plague Of The Amorous Foreigner” they were to be courted and sparked by blue eyed white skinned foreigners for all of eternity. And you were beginning to doubt that Sheng Di had a sense of humor. I’d say this curse was also appropriate. After all they doubted the power of the God of the foreigners and The Righteous Jardeen. All of the non Righteous Jardeen people A.K.A. HaNazees, were cursed for 7,000 years with ” The Curse Of Chosen Poverty” because they allowed the HaNazee to rebel against Sheng Di’s authority. I would also say this curse was appropriate since after all they willingly chose to plant the seeds of ignorance and chaos. Sheng Di being a merciful kind God has however provided an escape from this curse. When “The Economic Savior ” appears if he is accepted and followed faithfully the curse will be lifted. Many Righteous Jardeen people think this was Deng Xiao Ping. I guess the jury is still out on that. Time will tell. Another way is to seek “The Sisters and Brothers”. When 80% of the Jardeen people become believers known as “Kindred Spirits” then the curse will be lifted. We are 5,000 years into it and as yet it hasn’t been lifted. I guess they need more time. The other curses can also be lifted on an individual level simply by seeking “The Sisters and Brothers” and either being accepted{baptized} or persuaded{converted}. To date there have not been many acceptances or persuasions although the few that do are very devout. Interestingly “The Sisters Of Jardeen Rose” handle the women that want to be persuaded or accepted and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” handle the men that wish to be accepted or persuaded. I don’t know the exact reasons for this although I have my suspicions. Maybe my faith is wavering. “The Sisters And Brothers” aren’t saying. I guess it’s good that some things remain a mystery. Also interestingly the women that wish to be accepted or persuaded make up their minds about it much faster than the men. I don’t know if this is because they wish to escape ” The Curse Of The Amorous Foreigner” or they have truly seen “The Yellow Light Of Sheng Di”. The indecisiveness of the Jardeen men that wish to be accepted or persuaded is no mystery to anyone. They suffer from “The Plague Of Indecision” They are a constant battle for “The Sisters And Brothers Of The JardeenJasmine” Exactly who “The Brothers and Sisters Of The Jardeen Jasmine” and ” The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” are is a mystery. They prefer to remain silent until they are sought. Legend has it though that if you are “A Kindred Spirit” and there is a “Sister” or “Brother” near you will smell the enchanting intoxicating smell of roses/jasmine. I believe the legend.

Well now foreigner do you think you have a better understanding of the Righteous Jardeen and HaNazee Jardeen Cultures? Very good I am pleased Grasshopper. In “The Cosmos Of Knowledge” you have colonized a small insignificant planet for Jardeen. You WILL do more!!

And now for the epiphany.

If you remember in a previous chapter I told you about my difficulties at the airport and my first experience with Righteous and HaNazee Jardeen people in HaNazeeland. As you will recall it was a beautiful Jardeen woman that ultimately solved my difficulties. I did not realize it at the time or even think about it but in hindsight I remember the faint but intoxicating scent of roses. I had indeed been rescued by “A Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” Unbeknownst to me I was a “Kindred Spirit” and a foreigner. She saw my difficulty and she she acted. The Gospel had been spread. I accept gladly even if a bit belatedly. I am proud to say I am a “Brother Of The Jardeen Jasmine”

I am at peace with my “Sisters and Brothers” and at war with the forces of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao.

Thank you my “Sister Of The Jardeen Rose.”

It has been 5,000 years since these events and the battle still rages. The curses have not been lifted except in a few isolated individual cases.The forces of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao are very strong but have no fear friend “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” are strong in their faith. They are up to the task. The prophecies of Sheng Di will come to pass in due course.

A little advice for all you foreigners with little or no Jardeen experience.

If you have difficulty in Jardeen with either the Jardeen people or the Jardeen system before you get angry or pull a hissy fit STOP!! REMAIN CALM!!! Seek “A Sister” If you are a “Kindred Spirit” they will find you and help you.

In short before you get angry and pull a hissy fight STOP!!

And smell the Jardeen rose and jasmine. As long as “The Sisters and Brothers” are on your side The HaNazee and The Committee of 17

CAN’T WIN!!!

Readers please be aware that these stories of " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. " Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee " are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while " The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan" is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner's perspective.You're probably thinking " My God how presumptuous of him." Trust me somebody had to do it. They've had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author's ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can't remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It's part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity's gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos " will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

“Don’t Worry Be Happy”

There is a well known terrorist by the name of Uttama Bin Kaden who is constantly causing all kinds of security issues throughout the world. Because of Mr. Bin Kadens nefarious activities daily life can be very dangerous for law abiding people.Upon my departure for China I was about to become acquainted with those difficulties.

My home is in the Appalachian Mountains. It is in my opinion the most beautiful part of my country. Unfortunately it is about 5 hours from the nearest airport which is located in Atlanta. Because of security concerns related to Mr. Bin Kaden and his “Crew” all airports in my country require that you arrive two hours early. This meant that I would have to arrive at 6:00 A.M. for my cross continent flight to the city of Los Angeles from where I would transfer for a noon time flight across the Pacific Ocean bound for Jardeen. I had to leave my home at 1:00 A.M. in order for these arrangements all to work. While I was annoyed at Mr. Bin Kaden for causing me all this trouble I understood and supported the Government’s security precautions.

The REAL adventure was to begin in The City of God’s Angels when I had my first experience with the Jardeen people!!!

I arrived in The City of God’s Angels at 11:00 A.M. I had 1 hour to make my switch.The Jardeen government had arranged for somebody to meet me there and help with the transfer. He was nowhere to be found! THAT should have been my first clue. Although I was traveling alone and did not understand the language or culture I was not concerned ,after all I was an intelligent , well traveled American. I had visited many parts of the world and had never encountered ANY serious problems I was confident that I would figure it out. Everything I had studied about these Jardeen in my two weeks of intensive preparatory classes for my new assignment indicated that they were an advanced culture. It was then that I noticed there were two main Jardeen airlines. Jardeen Air and Air Jardeen. I thought this needlessly confusing. I later discovered that the Jardeen Sub Committee on Airports which is appointed by The Committee Of 17 did not!!! As my Jardeen adventure progressed and I began to learn more about Jardeen culture I was amazed to discover that 80% of the Jardeen people and 100 % of the leaders are followers of an ancient religion known as Kuulang Shang which has been shrouded in mystery and suspicion for eons. The primary Saint of this religion is none other than their venerated first Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao . Two of the main tenants of this religion are that “Lucidity Is The Enemy” and “NOTHING May Move Faster Than The Napping Panda Of Sichuan!!!” I digress a bit. If only I had known then what I know NOW!!!

I took a look around to get my bearings. Fortunately or so I thought I was near the right terminal. I approached the flight board. My flight was not listed. Curious I thought. I double checked to make sure I had read my ticket correctly. I had. It was time to seek help. I found a Jardeen C.S.R. that allegedly spoke English. I asked her for help. BIG MISTAKE!!! She assured me that the ticket was a misprint and I actually belonged in the other Jardeen airline’s terminal. A voice in my head said “Don’t listen to her,DON’T”. Sometimes you should listen to the voices in your head. THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON!! Off I went to the other terminal. I wasn’t playing this time. Immediately I found a C.S.R. BIG MISTAKE!! I was beginning to suspect that customer service was a foreign concept to the Jardeen. A suspicion that was later confirmed by much experience.It seems that another principle of their religion is ” Knowledge Is Dangerous”. Apparently it is not safe to know ANYTHING that your boss doesn’t . For that reason initiative and creativity are discouraged. ANY Jardeen underling wants only the EXACT ,SPECIFIC knowledge required to do ONLY their jobs. Questions will confuse them. A hissy fit will make them nervous.When they are confused YOU will get absolutely ZERO results. When they are nervous you will get results. They will hate you passionately but you WILL get results. I had twenty minutes to get results. Since I was not expecting any problems I had only brought $250 with me .I had no return ticket to America. If I missed this flight I was in BIG trouble. It DEFINITELY was time to start being concerned. Not panic –YET just concern. She looked at my ticket. A look of amazed bemusement came upon her. Ten other Jardeen C.S.R.’s are giggling softly but noticeably. A glance at my watch revealed that it was now 11:30. 30 minutes flushed down into the kairotic Jardeen abyss. It was time for an American solution to this problem. I pulled a hissy fit and demanded to speak to someone that could fix this problem. IMMEDIATELY!!!! Five minutes later I was being escorted personally by the manager of this terminal to the other terminal.

Ahh sweet relief !!!! Problem solved. Think again Rimnak!!! My flight was indeed at this terminal but there were 85 people in front of me at one check in station for all 85 passengers.{Remember here the tenant of their religion which states “Lucidity Is The Enemy!!} What will he do now you ask?Well I marched right up to the front of the line and explained politely but firmly that I was an American teacher on my way to Jardeen to teach at a university so I MUST be allowed to cut in front of all of these other people and get on my plane which is leaving in TEN MINUTES as any self respecting American would do. As even you would do. “No dice lao wai / foreigner!!!}

ANGER!!! RESENTMENT!!! HATRED!!!

It was at the precise moment that Jardeen security

was eyeing me furtively and I was planning the strategy of my impending tantrum that it happened.

She was an absolutely beautiful Jardeen woman!!

I have been all over the world and I have seen some beautiful women from many different cultures so when I tell you that she was easily in the top 1 percentile you should have no reason to doubt me. I enjoyed watching her walk in the same way I enjoy listening to Diana Krall sing. Her eyes were a combination of the sparkle of Hawaiian rainbows and the sensuality of the Appalachian Rains. Launch sequence was activated!!!

She walked right up to me looked me right straight in the eyes smiled that sweet smile of The Jardeen Rose which all lao wai come to know and love and whispered in perfect English in that soft , low and sexy yet innocent voice

Don’t worry sir. The plane will wait for you.

WOW!! Beauty , Charm , Sex Appeal , Brains AND Humor.

My attitude towards the Jardeen began to change. She had sparked a metamorphosis. While I never did get her name or see her again I thank her for that. And thusly was my first impression of China indelibly burned into my psyche.

P.S.: I later found out that this is a little game that the two terminals like to play with each other and with the “lao wai” they deal with. Regardless of your feelings about any cultural problem or any people you MUST respect a sense of humor no matter how much it confused you at the time. I certainly do!! LoL I also found out that ALL the people in that line were on my flight. They were all lao wai teachers going to various universities in China. Most of them were going to my university. I came to know quite a few of them well.

P.P.S. : Isn’t it curious how all the bad impressions seem to fade over time and let us remember fondly the good times and good impressions.

Readers please be aware that these stories of " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. " Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee " are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while " The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan" is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner's perspective.You're probably thinking " My God how presumptuous of him." Trust me somebody had to do it. They've had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author's ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can't remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It's part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity's gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos " will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!

The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “

The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees

“Coffee and Rose”

AND

“ Puff The Magic Dragon vs Freddy Kreuger ”

By Spaced Teacher

The sexy , sensual aroma of her Kona essence was calling to me. Her scent drifted into my semi-concious state and gently caressed me. I could not resist Coffee!! Her powers are seductive and addictive. I must go to her as a good lover should!!

I sat at the kitchen table and said good morning to my Chinese girlfriend Meigui.

Before I could even greet Coffee, Rose A.K.A. Meigui asked me directly if I was O.K. This was a cause for great concern my friends. You see Chinese people never ask or do anything directly , especially when it concerns a “lao wai”. If you’ve been following the story you will know that this concept originated with Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao , the first HaNazee Emperor of China. If a Chinese person asks you if you are hungry you are always supposed to say no. Even if you are hungry. It’s the polite thing to do.After you have said you are not hungry they will ask you where you would like to eat. It’s the polite thing to do. Only then can you really decide if either of you is really hungry and whether or not you’d like to eat and where. After the meal will come the whole 20 minute argument about who will pay the bill. That will be a story for another time.Remember readers that when it comes to dealing with “lao wai” Chinese people have been taught to always obfuscate, frustrate,delay,misdirect and anger the “lao wai”. This has to do with some of their religious /philosophical teachings such as “Lucidity Is The Enemy” and always sow seeds of chaos and ignorance from “The Garden Of Chaos” and “The Forrest Of Ignorance”!! This Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was a real piece of work and is a constant pain in my ass!!

“Meigui / Rose why are you concerned about my health?” ” “Last night you tossed and turned all night. You must have been having nightmares. You were also talking in your sleep.” Interesting I thought.And maybe a bit scary. ” What was I saying” I asked Meigui. ” All night long you kept screaming “I don’t know” “I don’t” understand” WoW I thought. I got a direct answer to a direct question from a Chinese person!! I was now very concerned for two reasons. The first one was because Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao also instructed his followers to behave in a rational way from time to time. This was done to keep the “lao wai” off balance. It happens about twenty per cent of the time. The second was because the Emperor also made his followers swear an oath to him when he rebuked Sheng Di’s authority and set up his own Kingdom in the Eastern Badlands. That oath was ” Wo Bu Zhi Dao” or in your English language ” I Don’t Know”.

Oh my God !! What was going on here. Was I unbeknownst even to my self a follower of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao? Was some evil HaNazee spirit sent to steal my soul for EmperorWo Bu Zhi Dao’s Kingdom? Now I was horribly frightened!! I needed help. Should I seek a priest? Was this my own personal “Exorcist” movie? I didn’t know it at the time but there was something far more evil than an “Exorcist” scenario going on here.

It was then that I smelled the soft delicate scent of roses and jasmine. A Sister was near!! Bless Sheng Di I shouted. Praise Li Tan!!! I immediately set out some rose and jasmine incense to seek the Sister.She came to me. I didn’t need to say a word to her. She knew my troubles. And this was what she said to me.

Say the prayer and The Dragon will come.

Readers please be aware that these stories of " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. " Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee " are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while " The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan" is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner's perspective.You're probably thinking " My God how presumptuous of him." Trust me somebody had to do it. They've had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author's ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can't remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It's part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity's gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos " will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!