Spaced Teacher Vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee 
If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao { # 1 } If you are one of those people that is foolish enough to believe the current politically correct view that China is going to rule the world soon I have good news for you.Don’t believe it!! It isn’t going to happen in your lifetime. I seriously doubt that China will ever rule the world. Assuming they do some day though it is at least 100 years in the future and realistically it’s probably 500 years in the future. When I ask my 20 year old Chinese students how long they think it will be the vast majority say 50 years. Now make no mistake it’s not that they couldn’t it’s that they won’t. I will explain below. In The HaNazee Holy Book’s Ten Commandments there is one that states the following. As described below : ” Nothing Or NOBODY In All Of China { Jardeen} May Move Faster Than ” The Napping Panda Of Sichuan “. Emeperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao who was the first HaNazee Emperor of China was deathly afraid that if his people became too ambitious , efficient and educated they would revolt and toss him and his cronies out of the Palace.He would then need to get the one thing that all HaNazees , especially the men , fear the most. A real job. In The Dreaded Private Sector!!! He wasn’t about to let that happen!!To this day that attitude is still prevalent in China. When I came to this university I was told that we would be moving into a brand new state of the art building which was specifically designed for the foreign staff and students. I arrived here in March , it is now June and we are still staying in the hotel they initially quartered us in. We are still hearing the move is iminent. LoL I have subsequently spoken to one of the Australian teachers who was here last year. He informed me that he was told that he would be moving into that complex last year. His advice was to not get too excited about it one way or the other. The Napping Panda Of Sichuan is cutting some zzzzz’s. lol 
About 5 weeks ago the hot water in this hotel stopped. Apparently the water boiler broke.It’s very hard for me to believe that The Information Age has reached China yet since everybody in a position of authority that we asked had very little information about this. All we were told was that they had to seek bids and that it would be fixed in about 10 days. Ten days came and went. We asked again. We were told it would be fixed in two to three weeks. Two – three weeks came and went . We asked again. This time we were told it was indefinite. Being rational well educated , if a bit ripe at this point , lao wai / foreigners we asked why. We were told that they were having the necessary equipment shipped in. My guess is that first they have to make it then ship it. I further postulate that since shipping by air is a bit tai guela / expensive and they wish to save some money they are shipping it via donkey cart. We are now at six weeks and counting. Meiyou / zero hot water boiler and about twenty very ripe lao wai / foreigners. There is no end in site. Apparently The Nappping Panda of Sichuan is taking a prolonged snooze this time. 
The thing that really amazes me about this whole situation is that the Chinse people just accept it.This hotel is one of the more expensive hotels in this town. It costs about $ 18.00 / 150 R.M.B. a night to stay here. Now by American standards that is not a lot of money but trust me when I tell you that is a significant amount of money by Chinese standards. The way the hotel has handled this is by giving each Chinese guest a 2 RMB / 25 cent token for the public bath. The lao wai / foreigners get nothing. Apparently we are on our own in this matter. To date I have not noticed a drop in the hotel’s occupancy rates or any complaining by the Chinese guests. I find that very curious indeed. I also think it’s another part of the reason that they will never rule the world. As long as you are willing to accept only what the leaders give you then development will continue to be excruciatingly slow. Can you imagine the reaction of American / Western guests at a comparable 4 star hotel in America or Europe to this situation? I’m reminded of the old saying about the Communists. I think it’s very applicable to this situation. ” If the Communists managed the desert there would be a shortage of sand.” The Napping Panda of Sichuan is cutting some zzzz’s 
P.S. : You may want to stay out of this town for the foreseeable future. There are many very ripe lao wai / foreigners here. It’s not pretty. Readers please be aware that these stories of " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. " Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee " are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while " The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan" is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner's perspective.You're probably thinking " My God how presumptuous of him." Trust me somebody had to do it. They've had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author's ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can't remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It's part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity's gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching. 
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself. I hope that " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos " will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!! 
Spaced Teacher Vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee 
If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao { # 4 } 
By Spaced Teacher I'm sure that by now most of you have figured out that these articles entitled " If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao "{# s 1 , 2 , 3 and 4 } are my explanations of why I don't think , in spite of what The Higher Minds Of Governments the world over think , that China will ever rule the world. Now I'm sure you're asking yourselves " Well Stanner why should we believe you and not them. " I will answer you this way. Because I have lived in China for ten years consecutively and not in the relatively civilized and modern Chinese metropolises such as Beijing , Shanghai , Hangzhou , Guangzhou and Qingdao but rather in the Chinese hinterlands where The Higher Minds never go. I'll let you be the judge of the accuracy of my assertion upon the completion of your reading of my articles. 
The Chinese will never rule the world because they are expert at " fouling their own nests ". Industrial pollution is rampant in China. That is to be expected in a rapidly developing industrial economy and can be dealt with. I'm speaking of a far more pernicious pollution which is rooted in the culture and psyche of the Chinese people. Sanitation is also abysmally bad in China. This problem is also rooted in Chinese culture and the Chinese psyche. 
In the apartment building I currently live which is on campus there are seven floors.The first three floors have a small overhang which is not quite big enough to be considered a small patio but is big enough to put some plants on. The people that live on floors 4 - 7 seem to feel that it's ok to throw their trash out the window onto these ledges. It does not matter to them that they are fouling the view and the aesthetic pleasantness of the people that live below them. The rubbish you see is out of THEIR view and thusly is not a problem to THEM so it is not a problem -- PERIOD !! If you go to West Lake in Hangzhou which is one of the premier tourist spots in all of China you will see Chinese people throw there trash in a symbol of their country that is world reknown. If you go to the Longman Grottoes in Luoyang which is a World Heritage Site you will see Chinese people throw their trash in and urinate in the caves that people come form all over the world to see. You will also see them wash their clothes in the Po River which divides the two sides of The Longman Grottoes. It's THEIR country and they just don't give a damn what the rest of the world thinks about this behavior. 
The school neither cleans up the mess or discourages the behavior. The fact that us lao wai { foreigners } don't like this behavior with good reason does not matter to them.When we inform them that this makes us really uncomfortable and ask them why they won't do anything about we are told " Because it is the Chinese way to behave like this. " That my friends concludes the conversation. Now I am no shrinking violet when it comes to expressing my opinion so I will tell you that I don't give a DAMN if it is their culture and it's been that way for 5,000 years. It's rude ignorant behavior that needs to stop and if it takes the lao wai to tell them so well I'm happy to oblige them. One would think that aside from this behavior being rude and ignorant the Chinese authorities could have figured out by now that this trash attracts all manner of vermin. In short it's a health hazard. They have had 5,000 years to get it right and STILL they are apparently clueless or arrogantly indifferent. This campus also has a small but potentially beautiful pond and a small and potentially beautiful brook where lots of trees and plants grow on the banks. The same sort of behavior affects them also. It's truly sad because absent this self inflicted pollution this could be a beautiful campus.This behavior will also take place in the classrooms. The classrooms here are disgustingly filthy and always trash strewn. 
Chinese toilets in the vast majority of China are STILL of the squat variety. Picture a long trench with a series of holes dug into it. You squat down and aim as best you can. To say they are extremely uncomfortable and highly unsanitary is an understatement to the max. 95 % of the time you will not find deodorant or soap in a Chinese public toilet. Those things cost MONEY you see. Most of them will also have no curtains for the same reason. When the bathrooms are cleaned they will be cleaned with cold water and very little if any soap. Bleach apparently doesn't exist in China. Once again those things cost MONEY. It never occurs to them that all the disease they are forced to pay to deal with costs far more than the solution to the problem would. Penny wise and pound foolish to the maximum extremes. Another example of this sort of poor sanitation habits which are rooted in culture is that Chinese people will spit anywhere at any time. They will spit on the classroom floor, they will spit on a restaurant floor, they will spit on the sidewalk directly in the middle of the sidewalk where people are walking. It's thoroughly disgusting behavior. They will also let their children urinate or defecate on the sidewalk in broad daylight in public and walk away without even cleaning up the mess. Are you getting the picture here?   When I lived and worked in Harbin there was a restaurant right across the street from my house which specialized in donkey meat. Every morning at 5:30 A.M. they would bring in 3 - 4 donkeys and slaughter them ALIVE right there on the sidewalk. I used to wake every morning to the sound of these screaming animals as they were being slaughtered.If you went out there at that hour you could see the blood and entrails spilling out all over the sidewalk. The stench was unbelievable. This is not unusual behavior in China. Apart from being incredibly inhumane the sanitation factor alone should be enough for the authorities to stop the practice. They do nothing about it though because you see it's The Chinese Way. It's been that way for thousands of years. It's part of our culture. Can you imagine this behavior being tolerated in any Western country? I can assure you that should you be unfortunate to witness this once you'll change your attitudes about the treatment of animals. While I have not been able to break my meat eating habits entirely I can tell you that I have cut down my meat eating by about 95 % as a direct result of viewing this. 
Whenever I talk about these issues with people from Western countries there will always be at least one Dumbass Multi- Culturalist China Apologist in the group who will ask me this question : " Who are you to judge the Chinese about these things? It's their culture and their country. " I answer thusly " Who do I need to be? " I don't give a DAMN if these sorts of behavior are parts of their culture and psyche and have been for the 5,000 year history of their civilization. All that means to me is that China has been doing it wrong for their entire history. I really don't care that that history is 5,000 years in duration. It is the year 2011 and China is now in the Community of Nations. These sorts of behaviors need to change. If the Chinese people can't or more likely won't see the errors of their ways and change voluntarily and if their leaders will not force them to then I guess the job of dragging China into the 21st Century , kicking and screaming if necessary , falls to hose of us that know better. I will not shirk my responsibility to the Chinese people that do want to change in that regard. If the Chinese or Westerners that don't like my attitude in this matter have a problem with it well I guess that is just my cross to bear. I REALLY don't give a damn what they think about it. 
Well now that you've read my article and viewed the pictures and slide show I have a question to ask you. Do you STILL think China will rule the world some day? I invite your comments. 
Spaced Teacher Vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee 
If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao # 3 By Spaced Teacher I'm certain that most of you have figured out by now that these articles entitled " If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao " #'s 1 , 2 , and 3 are my way of explaining to you all why I don't think China will ever rule the world in spite of the current political / economic orthodoxy spewed by The Higher Minds of The Western World which can't sing China's praises loudly enough or long enough. RELAX guys it isn't going to happen. The reason China will never rule the world are rooted in a few basic aspects of the Chinese culture and mentality. 1. The vast majority of the Chinese people suffer from fecal occulus. That is known as shitty outlook for you lay people. The vast majority of the Chinese people have an absolutely shitty attitude about life in general and business in particular. 2. The education system. The Chinese education system is based upon rote learning. The ONLY thing that is important in China is to pass the test. To do that you need to know the answers. You do NOT need to know how or why something came to be the way it is. The details are unimportant. Creative thinking and critical analysis are discouraged to the point that if you persist in exercising those traits and you annoy the wrong person by doing so you may find yourself in very serious trouble. Chinese people believe that they can never be more than a slave on Chairman Mao's Plantation.The think the highest aspiration they can have is to be a " House Slave ". Now imagine the Chinese mind fuck they endure when they get a crazy ass American teacher that DEMANDS these things from them? LoL I LOVE my job. If torturing Chinese students were an Olympic Sport I'd win the Gold Medal every time. lol I can only dream 3. Political corruption. I'm sure this doesn't surprise any of you. EVERYBODY knows that when there is only one game in town then you can bet the house that the game will be rigged. Corruption is rampant throughout the Chinese system. I realize that it's corrupt in the American system also but the difference is American politicians are smart enough to leave the populace just barely enough to survive but the Chinese politicians will take EVERYTHING if they so choose. Who ya gonna call Commie Busters? I'll now give you a couple of examples of these phenomena which I've been dealing with this week. As follows below. Strange things have an uncanny way of happening at the most inopportune times in China. My cell phone ran out of time on Chinese New Years Day. Now as I've explained to you in previous chapters China comes to a standstill during New Years and Spring Festival. So here I am in a Chinese city on vacation alone and without a phone because the cell phone company is CLOSED for The New Years Celebration and NOBODY knows for how long. In China the cell phone companies are owned by the government so apparently they can do whatever the Hell they damn well please and are NOT obligated to inform anybody of their plans. Now correct me if I'm wrong but when China came into the W.T.O. weren't they supposed to open up ALL their markets to foreign competition? Wasn't the government supposed to get out of ALL of their previously owned State Owned Enterprise? And here we are 20 something years later and it STILL hasn't happened. And here I am in a foreign city by myself unable to get cell phone service because nobody can tell me how to solve the problem? Worse yet nobody gives a damn about my problem. Can any of you imagine a Western cell phone company with such abysmal business practices? These ideas and practice of the Chinese are rooted in ancient thought and STILL pervade their society 5,000 years into it now. This particular one is rooted in the concept that " Nothing Or Nobody In All Of China May Move Faster Than The Napping Panda Of Sichuan " How nice it would be if somebody would drive a stake through the heart of this ancient philosophy and for once and all kill the beast and then drag China and the Chinese people into the 21 st Century kicking and screaming if necessary. There is a saying in China that states " The ox is slow but the Earth is patient " I think the world is beginning to run out of patience with China. What do you think? Earlier this week I wanted to send a gift for a friend home to America and since there was no particular rush and it's cheaper I decided to use the Chinese post office. HUGE mistake on my part. Trust me friend if you ever come to China you'll want to avoid ALL contact with Chinese Civil Servants. Now I'm sure you think it's horrendous in America and it is but American Civil Servants can't even begin to compare to their Chinese compatriots in the Chinese Government in the stupidity and laziness departments. This is what I was told. " Well sir due to the fact that it's Chinese New Year and due to the fact that the Asian Games which took place in Guangzhou just concluded we can't guarantee that your package will get to it's destination." Did you understand that clearly? It was not that they couldn't guarantee that it would get there on time but rather that they couldn't guarantee that it would get there AT ALL !! Your Civil Servants at work for you. lol Now I've been in China long enough to know what he was really saying to me. He just didn't FEEL like doing the necessary work required and he was pissed that I was sending it the cheapest way possible.Now keep in mind that this gentlemen is a Civil Servant. His dreams and aspirations have come true. He is a " House Slave " House Slaves in China are very annoying and sometimes very dangerous because they've managed to attain some low level fairly inconsequential power that will allow them to make your life a living Hell. Who ya gonna call -- Commie Busters?It's not wise to cross them. I frequently do. It's good sport. lol Ultimately I ended up shipping the package with Fed Ex at FIVE times the cost. Some things are worth it no matter the cost. For me avoiding the stress and aggravation of having to deal with these Dumbasses is worth the increased cost 99 % of the time. Well that will conclude our discussion for today. I'll see you soon for " If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao # 4 " zaijian wo de pengyoumen / good bye for now my friends. The slide show is of various residential alleyways or as the Chinese call them hutongs in the Liwan section of Guangzhou. China as it was in other words. Other related articles by me that you may find interesting. 
Spaced Teacher Vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee
If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao # 2 By Spaced Teacher Assuming that many of you are still believers of the current political orthodoxy that China will soon rule the world I have great news for you. It isn't going to happen in your life time and probably never UNLESS we persist in allowing our government to continue on this self destructive free trade path. The reason for this is because creativity and innovation is strongly discouraged in China. Kong Zi whom you know as Confucious and Chairman Mao are probably the two most important figures in Chinese culture and they both feared creativity and innovation as well as an educated self thinking populace with critical analysis skills. They are bad for social order is the thinking. It's very difficult to have a " harmonious society " when you're populace is bright enough and brave enough to point out the flaws in the current Committee of 17's latest " 5 Year Plan". Another reason they will never rule the world is because the Chinese have the most naturally shitty attitude about life and business of any group in the world in my opinion. I'm going to give you an example of that today. 
On Shamian Island there is a clothing store with an in house tailor. I've walked by this shop many times and always been invited to come in. Since it's extremely difficult to buy or even have clothes tailor made for someone of my size in China I had declined their invitation every time. Finally one day last week I got sick of the badgering and went in to take a look just to get them off my back. Much to my amazement they did indeed have clothes of my size. They had nothing of any style that interested me though. God forbid you should ask for brown shoes. lol The vast majority of the time they will have black and that's it. In any case they assured me that they could make me clothes to my order. Now I've been in China long enough to know that NOTHING is ever that easy unless there is a tremendous and usually direct financial advantage although they'll deal with an indirect advantage if it's big enough , for the Chinese in it being that easy. It would be accurate on your part to color me skeptical about actually being able to purchase what I needed from these folks. In any case being an optimist I went back in a few days with a shirt of the exact size and material I wanted. I asked if they could make me seven shirts of varying color in that size and material . This is what I was told." If you bring us the fabric certainly we can do it. " Now think about that for a minute. A foreigner who is visiting their city on vacation and knows next to nothing of it or about tailoring and does not speak their language is expected to go to the fabric market by himself, find the material , negotiate the price and bring it to the TAILOR. Then and only then will they be able to to their job. When I pointed out the obvious flaws in their methodology and asked them respectfully if they could please be creative enough to solve this problem as regarded my situation it did not matter to them. "This is China and this is the way we do it --- PERIOD !!" was their attitude. I was also told that it would be difficult because Chinese New Year is in a few days. Now keep in mind that I'm going to be here another two weeks but they just didn't bother to ask me about that. Folks virtually all of China will be on the move the next 2 - 6 weeks during the New Year Holiday and the Spring Festival. Very little will be open for business. My campus for example is already a ghost town. ALL the businesses have closed and gone home. Now let me ask you a couple of questions here. Do any of you have any theories yet on why after 5,000 years of history and 65 years of The New China , they are still a developing country? Do any of you have any theories yet on why there are still so many Chinese people in poverty in the second biggest economy in the world? It seems to me that if you are really that poor then you find a way to take a little time out of your 2 - 6 week vacation and get the job done and take the lao wai / foreigner's money which for this job would be a considerable amount of money probably about 700 RMB. To put that in context the average Chinese family makes about 1,200 RMB PER MONTH. That's probably my American cultural prejudice talking though. In America we call that a work ethic. God I'm proud to be an American of a generation that still believes in that old fashioned philosophy. 
You see folks in China the Chinese have no problems until a problem effects them PERSONALLY and usually financially. They could not care less if I went naked and certainly will not see or admit that the reason I'm naked is because of their stupidity. The prevailing attitude among the Chinese that even know about their Nobel Peace Prize winner being jailed which is about 5% of the population in my opinion is " well he MUST have done something . " They also do not give a damn what the rest of the world thinks. They have a 5,000 year old history and culture so you see they posses the wisdom of the ages so how could any other culture be right and themselves wrong. It never occurs to them that everybody has a 5,000 year old history and culture . If you ever run into this attitude from a Chinese person and you want to totally defeat this viewpoint and piss him off to the max in one fell swoop just ask this question. lol " Well if what you say is true then how is it that America came to be # 1 in 200 years? " They'll hate that and you passionately. They do need to hear it though. lol " You see he is not from their families and the problem does not effect them personally so there is no problem. Now conversely if somebody from their family was arrested on trumped up charges and jailed with no outside contacts then that would be a huge problem. They would accept anybody's help that they could get and should that help ultimately lead to a successful resolution of the problem they would be very grateful --- OUTWARDLY. Once the problem was resolved do not ever expect them to stand up and help the next family with a similar problem. You would be foolish to expect that because you see there is no more problem. 
The Chinese truly believe that they are destined to rule the world and that will only be justice for so many centuries of disrespect of China on the part of the rest of the world.They also truly believe that once the world gets to know them better they will accept the Chinese Way as the truly enlightened path to prosperity. I say that they are riding high right now but once the world and especially America gets a taste of what the Chinese Way really is they will not accept it. I also say that as soon as India , Russia and Brazil get their acts together they are going to steal all the business that China stole from the Western countries and particularly America. Those three countries are going to use China's tactics against her. China is going to find out very soon that an economy based solely on exports and cheap labor can't sustain itself for long. There is always somebody that will do it cheaper and I'd certainly trust any of the three of India , Russia or Brazil to do it better. I think most people would. Do you agree? There are also some cultural / societal reasons China will never rule the world also. Do you think America / The West will accept squat toilets , rationing of electricity and water by the government , censorship of the internet and media , persecution of political and religious dissent and shitty business practices as described above? Ladies and gentlemen China will never rule the world UNLESS we let them because China can only play in a rigged game and only by their rules and because the Chinese have the most naturally shitty attitude of any group on Earth about life and business. In short China doesn't have the " stones " to be a world leader like America or even Japan or Germany. So why do we let them? STOP buying Chinese products , STOP shopping at Walmart !! START telling your Congresspeople to hold China accountable to all their agreements. Be part of the solution. 
If you would like to read " There Is A Promise Coming Down That Dusty Road " which is the story of American adoptive parents of Chinese children just click here. If you would like to read " If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao # 1 "click here. If you would like to read " If You Go Carrying Pictures Of Chairman Mao # 3 " click here
In the Autumn of every year all incoming Chinese university students must undergo 2 - 4 weeks of military training BEFORE they can begin their studies. There are no exceptions to this rule. Girls are NOT exempt either. Chairman Mao said " Women hold up half the sky. " I can assure you the vastmajority of the Chinese girls want no part of this.
Wouldn't you just love to see our pampered crybaby fuckwit students at Commie University have to endure this? lol I think it's an idea that's time has come. Perhaps a few weeks of seeing how the REAL world works would be a good attitude adjustment for them. God knows they need it.
The picture and video below are of that training.
The city of Dalian is a beautiful coastal city located in Liaoning Province , China. This slide show is of The Botanical Garden Neighborhood. I hope you enjoy it.
Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos 
This Lady is a Sister Of The Jardeen Rose. They are the sworn enemy of the HaNazee. Spielberg Chan And The Empress's Wedding By Spaced Teacher Dalian is a beautiful coastal city Liaoning Province. Due to it’s magnificent natural beauty and sophisticated life style it’s fast becoming a haven for ” lao wai ” / foreigners. There is also an abundance of feminine beauty which also attracts tourists from all over the world. Probably because of these factors and the fact that the Chinese have a naturally dramatic sense of style Dalian attracts a lot of creative Chinese folks seeking careers in the movie / tv and photographic fields.   Last October on the National Day { Independence Day } break I had seven days off and was looking for a quickie vacation where I could just chill out and relax for a bit. Since I had been hearing a lot of good reports about Dalian and since it was only a 2 hour plane ride away I booked a vacation. I was not going to be disappointed. I had a very fun adventure which I’m now going to tell you about. 
Ringing Dalian are two coastal roads running in East and West directions. One of them is about 36 KM long. The other is about 20 km. Both of them go over the mountains that come right to the ocean’s edge. It’s a great place to go hiking and that’s exactly what I did. Off I went with my camera , camcorder and a days supplies of munchies and drinks and some warm clothes in case I got stranded. It can get a bit cool at night. Along one of these roads is a Medieval English looking castle. It is so out of place architecturally in China that your eye can’t help but gravitate to it. Since this whole road is breathtakingly romantic there are also lots of very high priced hotels.There is this one very expensive hotel that sits right in the shadow of the castle. It’s a very popular place for weddings and wedding photographs.Bear in mind that because of the one child policy in China if you have money it is a great status symbol to be able to give your son or daughter a wedding in one of these hotels.The Little Emperor / Empress syndrome if you will .Nothing but the best will do. If you can afford the best then you MUST have the best. The neighbors will be green with envy don’t you know. I just happened to be passing by one night and ran into one of these celebrations. I didn’t know it at the time but the GREAT Spielberg Chan was the photographer of this event. I figured since it was a public place I had every right to poach a few photographs . I was not obtrusive at all with one little exception that I asked permission for . The bride was gracious enough to consent to my request. Spielberg Chan being a contentious artiste was not happy with me. Spielberg Chan’s displeasure with me considering who and what he is was of little concern to me. I decided to watch a bit. Spielberg went into his schtick. 
He turned her head this way and that , he straightened her dress , he adjusted her corsage , he had the technicians moving the equipment , adjusting the light meters , he fixed the grooms tie , he posed the bride this way and that , he posed the groom this way and that , he posed the bride and groom together this way and that. On and on this went for 30 minutes. It wasn’t hard to tell that everybody was getting highly agitated with Spielberg Chan including me. Now you all know how highly entertaining and creative Americans can be when they are pointlessly agitated. If you’re going to have a video / photo shoot in a public place and tie up the streets and access to the shops at least be quick about it and entertain the local folks while you’re at it. I was plotting my revenge. It was time for D.D. Lumix and her cousin Cam Corder to make an appearance. Speileberg Chan had no reaction to DD taking some photos. That was probably becuase I was a bitfar away and he didn't see me. That was not accpetable. I went closer , much closer. Out came Cam. She was ready willing and more than able.Finally it was time to shoot the video. Spielberg starting shooting and so did my camcorder. As I said earlier it was a public place. Nothing wrong with poaching a little video. lol Spielberg saw my camcorder light go on. Cut!!! he waited 5 minutes and tried again. He said action , on went my camcorder. CUT!! This little game went on for about 10 -12 sequences or about 30 minutes. Finally when I could see that Spielberg Chan was sufficiently agitated I left him to his own devices.As I walked away I could hear and see Spielberg Chan’s crew chuckling. Apparently the American was more entertaining than the great Spielberg Chan was.  
I realize that artistes have a contentious nature but the Chinese artiste , probably because of his naturally meticulous Chinese nature , is a major pain in the ass. Spielberg Chan certainly deserved a gold star in that category. Somebody needs to tell them that they are not ALL the next John Woo!! lol  The English castle that you saw in the photo above is actually a sea shell museum. It was in the shadow of that Castle that the Great Spielberg Chan and I had our first encounter. Ahh the memories !!!
Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos 
This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose.” The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose ” are the sworn enemies of the HaNazee The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee Faith By Spaced Teacher Dear Readers : Today I will discuss the history and reasoning behind The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee Faith. 1. Always obfuscate , delay , intimidate and generally frustrate the ” lao wai”{ foreigners} in all dealings. This Commandment originates as all of them do from the time of the first HaNazee Emperor,Wo Bu Zhi Dao.The reasoning was that since at that time there were about 400 “lao wai” in the land of the HaNazee and the Emperor knew of their strength power and intelligence he was very fearful of them. He thought that those 400 might take over his kingdom. He also suspected that they were followers of that infernal ” lao wai” God known to the HaNazees,as Sheng Di.The best defense he could devise with the limited resources at his disposal at the time was to confuse and frustrate the ” lao wai”. Don’t laugh this strategy has worked generally well for 5,000 years. It has survived the ages and is still a part of HaNazee tactics when dealing either with individual lao wai or with lao wai countries.  
2. Think rationally 20% of the time. Now to the ” lao wai” mind this seems to be in contravention of Commandment #1. Quite to the contrary. It’s actually in conjunction with Commandment # 1. Consider it carefully Pilgrim. If you are a ” lao wai”{ foreigner} who is used to dealing with unvarnished stupidity and then suddenly you get rational lucid thought and efficient and polite service wouldn’t it confuse you at least in the short term?  
Never hire or promote anybody , especially a woman , based upon merit.  
Since that infernal lao wai God Sheng Di was a female personae Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao had an inherent hatred of women. This Commandment evolves from his misogyny. He viewed all gyno – HaNazee as demons and evil spirts. HaNazee men are firm believers in this attitude. Surprisingly many HaNazee women are also.It also is related to other Commandments which we will deal with in due course.  
Always sow the Seeds of Ignorance and Chaos. I will discuss this in great detail in the upcoming Episodes ” HaNazee Mythology For Dummies” and ” The Tribe Of The 57 th Flower”   Always kill or imprison ” The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” whenever they are confronted. I will also discuss this in great length in the chapters I mentioned in the preceding Commandment. 
Never educate your people. Always rely on a juvenile style of nationalistic indoctrination to maintain control of your populace. 
Educated people are troublesome and a threat to ” Social Stability”. Indoctrinated people will do anything or hurt anybody for any reason as long as they are told by their HaNazee leaders that their actions are good for the Glorious HaNazee Motherland. Now to the Western mind this seem so stupid as to be dismissed out of hand but believe me the HaNazee ” common folks” fall for this stupidity every time. This strategy is very effective. I can assure you Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao knew his people well. 
NEVER show drive ambition or creative thought.  - The typical HaNazee solution. lol
If you do this somebody might actually expect something of you. Or worse yet your HaNazee boss will think you are after his / her job.You may find your self in Columbus , Ohio U.S.A. consigned to eating Mexican food for the rest of your life very quickly. 
“Plowing The Field” should take no more than eight minutes. This Commandment is also known as ” The HaNazee Man’s Guide To Lovemaking”. Again because of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s hatred of women they do not have any status or rights in the HaNazee social order. There is no need therefore to treat your wife as a valued partner. There is no need to please her sexually. Sex for the HaNazee male is like plowing a very small field. Get in , do your thing , plant your seed and move on to more important things like lunch or ping pong.  
Claim all lands as being HaNazee lands originally. 
The HaNazee Nation has a 5,000 year history of culture and civilization. Their civilization has been around , according to them , much longer than anybody else’s therefore all lands must have been HaNazee at one time.”If we just claim it and tell the lao wai about our 5,000 year old civilization and remind them that we have 1.5. billion people we might get lucky and some of them may just kow tow without a fight.” is the thinking with regard to this Commandment. It’s worth a shot from their perspective I guess.  
Point the “HaNazee Finger Of Shame” at as many lao wai and lao wai countires as possible. The reasoning for this Commandment is simple. A good offense is the best defense. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao was paranoid , delusional and an all around general pain in the ass but he wasn’t stupid.  Do not let fact , well reasoned thinking and critical analysis be a deciding factor in when you point ” The HaNazee Finger Of Shame” or which lao wai or lao wai country you point it at.Most importantly do not worry about the consequences of your actions. In most cases there will be none since most lao wai do not give a damn about anything the HaNazees have to say. If somebody gets hurt well it’s o.k. because it was all for the Glorious HaNazee Motherland. 
Nothing or nobody in all of HaNazeeland may move faster than” The Napping Panda Of Sichuan”. 
There will be much more on this in upcoming chapters. For now I’ll just tell you that Emepror Wo Bu Zhi Dao was deathly afraid that if his people became too ambitious , efficient and educated they would revolt and toss him and his cronies out of the Palace.He would then need to get the one thing that all HaNazees , especially the men,fear the most. A real job!!!In the dreaded private sector !!!He wasn’t about to let that happen!!  
Never fight a lao wai fairly. Always be part of a mob when fighting a lao wai. If you fight a lao wai fairly and lose which is highly likely, it’s bad P.R. for The Glorious HaNazee Motherland. If however you fight as a mob and 60 of you defeat 3 lao wai that can always be “spun” by the HaNazee Propaganda Apparatus as an overwhelming victory for The Glorious HaNazee Nation.If you do not believe this just ask the S. Koreans they have intimate knowledge of the HaNazee mob mentality. They also know how to deal with it very effectively.   Thou shalt have no God or leader more revered than Emperor Wo BuZhi Dao. 
This man was demonically brilliant!!! To this day he is a constant pain in the ass to the civilized world. 
Always spend 8 Kwai and ride the bus across town for two hours to save 5 jiao {.5Kwai} on eggs. 
I don’t know the reason for this one. I’ve seen many HaNazees do it though. I’ve even asked some of my HaNazee acquaintances about it. All they can or will tell me is that it is one of The Commandments but they don’t know the reasoning. I have no idea if they are telling me the truth or not. I wouldn’t be surprised either way. I think this might relate to Commandments 1 and 2. 
Always mock and belittle the handicapped especially the lysdexic.  - This is exactly the type of ignorant attitude the HaNazee have towards the handicapped
The handicapped and other physically and mentally challenged people are viewed as a shame upon the family and nation in HaNazee culture. They are incredibly cruel people in this regard. I don’t know what their particular problem with lysdexia is. One of the mysteries of life I guess. Promote soy food products in all lao wai lands.  
The HaNazee have known for thousands of years that soy causes the feminization of men.They figure that if they can turn all lao wai men into women then when war comes the lao wai will be easier to defeat.Obviously the Emperor didn’t know about our Amazon Battalions who are at their fiercest when their friend comes to pay a visit.  
Be a good speller 
They think this impresses the lao wai. I can assure you that it doesn’t. As usual with the HaNazees it’s all stile and no substance.Where is The Spelling Mistress # 1? We have a level 6 Spelling Offender that need re-education. 
Always maintain good relations with the lao wai / foreign nation of Carrefours. { France } 
I guess it’s not surprising that two nations that haven’t won a war in hundreds of years would form a natural kinship.A sort of ” Alliance Of Losers” as it were.   Always keep your head firmly tucked up your ass!!! This goes back to that eternal fuckwit Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s worldview yet again. The deluded Emperor firmly believed that all lao wai nations were evil. He didn’t want any of his people being infected with their ideas such as human rights , Democracy , proper sanitation , Western plumbing , Kentucky Fried Chicken , Rock n Roll Music , a work ethic , morals etc etc. He was especially fearful of them knowing the truth of that infernal meddling troublesome lao wai God Sheng Di. His remedy for this problem was that his people should be commanded to have a world view that is rooted in keeping your head firmly tucked up your ass. To this day HaNazees don’t believe there is any nation other than The Glorious HaNazee Empire. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao and his people are a pimple on the asshole of progress. These folks suffer from terminal fecal occulus A.K.A. shitty outlook. They are mentally constipated. 
I hope this explanation of The Ten Commandments Of The HaNazee ” Faith” improved your understanding of the HaNazee culture and the psyche of the HaNazee mind. I don’t know about you but I’m not at all surprised that their cats are the only ones that understand them. 
We shall speak again soon Pilgrim.May the Grace of Li Tan be upon you. 
Until then Zai jian / goodbye Mystery Girl “The Adventures Of Spaced Teacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine . I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee. 
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.
Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos 
This woman is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” They are the sworn enemy of the HaNazee There Are None So Bland As Those That Will Not Be By Spaced Teacher My first year in China I was working at a university near the Provincial Capital of a Central Chinese Province. This university was famous for having the most foreign teachers of any university in China. To the best of my knowledge that is still true. They were also famous for being the lowest paid university for foreigners in China. I did not know that at the time. I knew little of China of any substantive practical use.The vast majority of these teachers were Americans from all over the country. Of the 95 teachers probably 80 were American. We also had teachers from Japan , S. Korea , Germany , England , Ireland , South Africa and France. It was a very interesting faculty. Every year this university would have their Culture Day Festivities in Oct. The purpose of Culture Day was to expose these students most of whom were from the countryside and many of whom had never even seen a foreigner before to the various cultures of the countries of the faculty’s origins. There was going to be food , music , dance , art , fashion , movies and virtually all aspects of the various cultures concerned. Also as Americans since we were the vast majority we were to also present our individual state’s cultures. Although I was chronologically advanced I was by Chinese experience standards very young. I actually thought this would be great fun and was looking forward to it. I couldn’t understand why some of the more experienced teachers were dreading it. After about a month of preparation Culture Day had arrived. My personal assignment was to be one of The Clanton Gang in a re-enactment of The Shootout At The O.K. Corral. This university had a section of the campus that was designed to look like a European , probably Southern Italian , city square. That is where the re-enactment took place. The first performance took place in the afternoon just as classes let out and the students were walking back to their dorms. None of the students knew what we were going to do. Picture twelve ” cowboys ” walking around a Chinese university campus made to look like an Italian town square. Needless to say these Chinese students were a bit confused. LoL The guns we were wearing in particular caught their attention. They didn’t know quite what to think. All of a sudden the guns started firing , the cowboys were screaming at each other people were ” dying ” in the street. All activity in that square came to a screeching halt. Abject looks of horror and terror and more than a bit of fright were etched on these students faces. After about five minutes when ” The Gunfight At The O.K. Corral ” was over all the ” dead ” cowboys rose and we all took a bow. It took a minute but the students finally realized what they had seen. We got a standing ovation. 
That evening I went to see some of the other exhibits. I saw a demo of Western Swing Dancing by two very talented young people from the West of America. I saw a very nice photo exhibit of Tokyo architecture. I ate some Korean food. It was a very enjoyable evening. All the faculty had done a first rate job putting together a classy week for these kids. 
The next morning in class I asked my students if they had seen ” The Shootout At The O.K. Corral “. Much to my amazement not a single one had. I asked if any of them had seen any of the other exhibits. Again to my amazement not a single one had bothered to see any exhibit. I was a bit pissed considering all the FREE time and effort we had put in to make this exciting for these kids but I figured since it was the first night of seven and maybe they were tired or had other plans I’d let it go. I went out that evening and saw more of the exhibits and had another wonderful time. I also kept an eye out for my students. Not a one anywhere I went. 
I went in the next morning and asked them again if any of them had seen any of the exhibits. Again not a one. I was getting pissed. Why I asked? We are not interested they answered in unison. My tone changed dramatically as I instructed them why they needed to participate in Culture Day and how much fun they’d have. I also explained to them why it was rude on their part not to take advantage of this opportunity considering all the free time and effort their teachers had put in to make sure they had fun and learned something.. I told them I expected to start seeing them every night for the rest of the festival. Again that night I saw none of them. Again they just didn’t bother. I went to class the third day and informed them that it was now their homework assignment to go see one exhibit of their choosing every night for the rest of the festival and be prepared to speak about it in English in class. Begrudgingly about 10 % complied. The rest ignored me as usual. The rest failed the class miserably as they so richly deserved. 
I was very pissed about their lack of courtesy and arrogance and let it be known to all concerned , them , the Administration , and my colleagues. One of the more senior of my colleagues took me aside one day and explained to me that the reason they wouldn’t participate was because they were afraid. I thought that assessment was bullshit then and I think so now. Fast forward 4 years. I am now at a private school in the N.E. of China a whole lot smarter about China and Chinese culture. Being ever the optimist I figured I would at least give them the chance to be exposed to American culture. Again the same reaction. I had university level students ranging in age from 16 to 28 tell me with a straight face that they were not interested in going to horseback riding , boating , hiking , bowling or having a pic nic because they were afraid. Those things are dangerous was the general theme. Being older and wiser and having run into this phenomenon everywhere I had been in China I ignored my impulses to do anything of a fun or cultural nature with 95% of all my students from that point on. Friends if you ever do decide to come to China and teach be prepared to hear the following from your students ” We want to learn about culture.” Do not fall for it. They do not want to learn about culture. The HaNazees in charge of the education system in China have taught them to say that. The reasoning is that it makes them look sophisticated and intelligent in front of the lao wai / foreigners. It never occurs to them that you must talk the talk and walk the walk. It doesn’t take the lao wai / foreigners long to figure out that they have no interest in walking the walk. 
You will be told that the reason they don’t participate in cultural things is that they are afraid. Do not fall for this either. The real reason is based in arrogance , stubbornness and laziness. If it’s not Chinese culture they are not interested. If it requires a bit of work and participation on their part they are also not interested. I find it very sad that in this day and age when China is opening up to the world the vast majority of Chinese students choose to beat themselves both culturally and academically before they even play the game. Sad indeed. I can tell you based upon vast personal experience that Chinese university students are the most boring people on the face of the planet. Avoid socializing with them at all costs if you want to keep your sanity. 
“The Adventures Of Spaced Teacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine . I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.
All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.
Dalian is a beautiful coastal city in Liaoning Province , China. She is rapidly becoming a very important economic center for N.E. China. Dalian is becoming world reknown for her fashion and movie industries. She is the Milan and Hollywood of China.
Check out these photos of various areas of Dalian.
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