Spaced Teacher vs. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee

Lucidity Is THE Enemy { # 1 }

By Spaced Teacher

In the HaNazee , whom you would know better as the ChiComs , Holy Book's Ten Commandments there is one that is based in the concept that lucidity is the enemy. This Commandment , as all of them do , originated with the first HaNazee Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao. At the time there were about 400 foreigners or " lao wai " in his Kingdom. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao knew of these foreigners strength of character and intelligence and of their God Sheng Di. He feared that these lao wai would take over his Kingdom and bring all of their crazy ideas such as Human Rights , Kentucky Fried Chicken , Chuck Berry , Jazz , a work ethic and equal rights and infect his people thusly freeing them.The HaNazee Nation was in it's infancy at this stage and wasn't strong enough to confront these lao wai directly yet so a more subtle tactic had to be developed. Emperor Wo Bu Zhi was a paranoid delusional fuckwit who suffered from fecal occulus but he wasn't stupid. The HaNazee Ten Commandments were written. One of these commandments has to do with constantly frustrating the lao wai with stupidity and muddled thinking. Lucidity is the enemy if you will. As anybody with any substantial amount of Chinese experience will tell you this is the case about 80 % of the time. Another one had to do with thinking rationally and providing prompt couteous service. Again as anybody with any substantial Chinese experience can tell you this happens about 20 % of the time. Now these Commandments to the inexpeirenced in Chinese psychology and methodology would seem to be in contravention of each other . The experienced lao wai knows better. They are actually in conjunction with each other. Think about guys. If you were used to dealing with unvarnished stupidity 90 % of the time and then all of a sudden you got clear rational thinking wouldn't you be confused. Mission accomplished from Emeperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao's point of view. The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee do their job extremely well.

If you are one of those people that still believes China is going to rule the world soon read on , I think I can disavow you of that perception. If you aren't read on anyway , you'll probably get a chuckle.

China is known in the West as being one of the most wired countries in the world and with lightening fast internet. That may be true in Beijing , Shanghai and a few more of the highly developed enlightened areas of China. I can tell that is absolutley not true in the hinterlands where I am however. The Information Age has not reached here yet. The 18th Century is suffering a prolonged death in East Nowhere , China. My university has 14,000 students . There are usually eight to a dorm room and probably 100 rooms in each building. There is one internet line for each building. There are probably 500 people living in my building. There is one internet line.My guess is that you will not be surprised to hear that this situation is not acceptable to this American. Something needed to be done. I acted as Americans tend to . I asked the administration to rectify this problem. " Can't be done " came the reply. " Why " I inquired. " The school has a deal with the phone company and the internet company where we make money. That deal is contingent on only one line per so many users. If you wanted another line you'd need to buy it yourself." Well being American and used to paying for what I want I didn't think this was a problem.I also knew that although the HaNazee have a Communist political system they have a Capitalist economic system. They love the almighty Renminbi / dollar. How wrong I was. I should have known that it couldn'posssibly be that easy. " Please arrange for it " I requested. Three days later my Foreign Affairs officer dropped by and told me I couldn't have the other line. " Why " I asked as any self respecting American would. " Because the leader sees no reason for anybody to have more than one line. " came the answer. I 've been in China long enough to know what that really means which is that if they allow that they are giving up a little of their control of me. He wasn't about to let that happen. In China BIG Gege { Brother } is ALWAYS watching especially on the internet.

Apparently there is a garrison of HaNazee Yellow Knights stationed at my school. Lucidity is THE enemy. The 21st Century is so close and yet so far away here in China. If only somebody would put the eternal fuckwit Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao out of our misery once and for all perhaps China could join us here in the civilized world at long last.

P.S. : Being a determined American who doesn 't let HaNazee fuckwits tell me what I can and can't have or do I ultimately solved the problem. I'll tell you how in my next chapter. Well about 80 % of it anyway. NO problem ever gets permanently and correctly fixed in China. It's not their way.

Lucidity Is THE Enemy !! Long live Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao

Readers please be aware that these stories of " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos { China } are written in two different threads. " Spaced Teacher Battles The Yellow Knights Of The HaNazee " are the true stories of my experiences here in The Middle Cosmos while " The Jardeen Roses Of Li Tan" is my FICTIONAL re-write of 5,000 years of Chinese history , mythology and culture from a foreigner's perspective.You're probably thinking " My God how presumptuous of him." Trust me somebody had to do it. They've had 5,000 years to get the job done and they just keep screwing it up. We trust our readers to be able to distinguish between the two topic threads contained within the story. That may be a giant leap of faith on the author's ,my ,part. I write the damn story and there are days I can't remember which thread is which. The Middle Cosmos has a way of confusing the most rational clear thinking people. It's part of the price you must pay for the experiences of living here. As is the case with all of humanity's gardens there are flowers and weeds. The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazee. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine. I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lol The HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us so be careful with your grammar and spelling you never know when The HaNazee Grammar Master #1 or The HaNazee Spelling Misstress # 7 are watching.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced One or Bea herself.

I hope that " Spaced Teacher's Adventures In The Middle Cosmos " will soon become an epic novel of adventure and conquest. If you are or know a literary agent that would be interested in publishing this please have him contact Bea. He / she can just leave a comment about one of the blog posts and Bea will see it and reply . Bea is not Lucidly Challenged ALL the time !!!