” Spaced Teacher’s Adventures In The Middle Cosmos ”

This Lady is a ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose “The ” Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose “ are the sworn enemies of the HaNazees.

Spaced Teacher vs. The Committee of 17 { Local Branch } or “Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season”

By Spaced Teacher Upon arriving in China all foreigners must go to the local police station and obtain a Residency Permit. These agencies are government operations so consequently they are staffed by Chinese Civil Servants. Among these civil servants will always be a few of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s followers. Now as I’ve explained to you in previous chapters part of the good Emperor’s philosophy are tenets such as ” Lucidity Is The Enemy ” and ” Nothing And Nobody In All Of China May Move Faster Than The Napping Panda Of Sichuan “. For obvious reasons this can be a very trying experience. Should a foreigner , even one fluent in the language , try to obtain his Residency Permit by himself it almost certainly would be a recipe for disaster. The universities in an effort to preclude such problems will send a representative of the university with the foreigners. This does indeed minimize the conflicts , however if your university representative is inexperienced or if you get an inexperienced or uncooperative clerk , or God forbid you have the unfortunate luck to be assigned to one of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s Disciples it can still be a very unpleasant and trying situation. If you are American picture dealing with The Department Of Motor Vehicles and multiply the frustration factor by 50.That was not the case for me this time. I got lucky , very lucky.

When my time came to visit the local Chinese Public Security Bureau or as it would be called everywhere else in the world the local Police Station I was accompanied by the Chinese representative of the university I teach at. As you’ve probably figured out from reading the preceding chapters the Public Security Bureaus are staffed and managed by the local branches of “The Committee Of Seventeen “which have been heavily infiltrated by the HaNazee.Knowing this fact I was preparing for and expecting the worst!! I was having nightmares,during the day, of interminable delays , obfuscation , discourtesy , frustration , and a quite amusing and entertaining display of organized chaos. What I actually got what was quite the opposite. As I’ve explained to you in preceding chapters of the story the evil first HaNazee Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao instructed ” The HaNazee Yellow Knights Of Ignorance And Chaos” to confuse all ” lao wai” by actually being courteous ,respectful and efficient about 20 % of the time. This strategy is brilliant since it is actually very effective against “lao wai / foreigners with less Chinese experience than me. Having been in China for a considerable amount of time now it is ineffective against me. I just prayed that Sheng Di had planted a” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose” or a “Sister or Brother Of The Jardeen Jasmine” right smack dab in the middle of a potentially dangerous situation for the foreigners as she is wont to do. Praise Li Tan!!Sheng Di willing I might actually get out of here quickly and with my sanity intact!!

I was brought to the head of the line and asked to sit down by a rather sexy young woman Public Security Bureau Officer.

She smiled and politely asked me some seemingly pointless questions. I answered politely. This was going well I thought to myself wondering if this courteous , prompt , professional service was going to continue. Shortly I found out that it was. She asked me to please sit up straight and face the camera. I made myself presentable and my photo was taken. It was then that I made my nearly disastrous mistake. I forgot where I was!! I forgot that in spite of the professional , courteous and prompt service I was still dealing with humorless dour Chinese Civil Servants and most likely an adherent or two of Emperor Wo Bu Zhi Dao’s Disciples was among them . In short I forgot that these folks have absolutely no sense of humor. The America sense of humor is known all over the world as being delightfully wacky and bizarre. Everywhere except China apparently. I figured that since the nice lady got to have a memento of me in the form of a photo it was only fair that I should get a memento of her in the form of a photo. To borrow from Tina Turner ” What’s fair got to do with it?” A look of fearful horror came upon her face!!

About 30 Public Security Bureau Agents snapped to attention caressing their security tools lovingly.You CANT take photos of Public Security Bureau Agents she admonished me sternly. Having been in China for a while by now I was aware of the richly deserved negative reputation of The Chinese Public Security Bureau Agents. The male agents are particularly nasty. Extreme violence against the unarmed and outnumbered is the one thing The HaNazee are highly efficient at. They are not quite so efficient when put up against the U.S. Marines. Unfortunately there were no U.S. Marines available to come to my rescue right at that moment. I did the only thing I could do .I apologized profusely and threw myself on her mercy. After explaining to her that it’s just the bizarre American sense of humor that we occasionally have difficulty controlling and that I meant no harm or disrespect she accepted my apology and advised me to be more careful next time. With a calm authoritative glance she dismissed her eager co-workers. I couldn’t help but notice that they seemed disappointed that they would not get to have fun with a “lao wai” today.

It was then that I smelled it!! The fragrance of rose and jasmine that was so delicate only a “Kindred Spirit” could discern it. A ” Sister Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” was making herself known to me. I was right again!! Sheng Di had indeed planted a “Sister Of The Jardeen Rose And Jasmine” right here in the Public Security Bureau. She does indeed work in mysterious ways. Apparently I am blessed by Li Tan and thusly I walk with the Grace of Sheng Di. When I consider that I could possibly have been making involuntary organ donations as a result of letting my bizarre sense of humor get the best of me at the worst possible time I am eternally grateful that Sheng Di , Li Tan ,”The Dragons Of The Jardeen Gardens And Forests” , “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose” and “The Sisters And Brothers Of The Jardeen Jasmine” are all on my side. Friends whenever you face difficulty or are facing trying times in China always seek “The Sisters Of The Jardeen Rose.” If you are a ” Kindred Spirit” They will come.

“The Adventures Of Spacedteacher In The Middle Cosmos { China }” are a collection of short stories based upon my actual experiences.They are written from the point of view of an American ” lao wai” { foreigner}. As is the case with all of humanity’s gardens there are flowers AND weeds.The Chinese garden is no different in that regard , they have flowers in the form of the Jardeen Roses and Jasmine and crabgrass in the form of the HaNazees. I try to weed the crabgrass while focusing on and accentuating the Jardeen Rose and Jasmine .

I have taken only the barest minimum of poetic license in an effort to make these stories more enjoyable to read for you. Trust me when I tell you it happened 99 % exactly as I tell it. All names have been fictionalized to protect the guilty from legal action be that civil or criminal and to protect the innocent from the guilty and most importantly to protect the author , yours truly , from the crabgrass in the Chinese garden. Those HaNazee can be vicious bastards!! lolThe HaNazee are well known for having an aversion to the spelling and grammar challenged among us. These guys are in the employ of the HaNazee.

All characters , plot lines , fictional places , and anything else even remotely associated with these stories is the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used without the express written consent of the aforementioned Spaced one or Bea herself.