BREAKING NEWS !!! BREAKING NEWS !!

Cracker News Broadcasting Corp. --- The OTHER CNBC

Dateline : Helena Montana Aug. 6 , 2011

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen this is Luis " The Mariachi " Gonzalez reporting from the headquarters of The National Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association in Helena , Montana where Mr. William " Wild Bill " Stanley, President of The National Professional Rodeo Cowboy's Association is about to make a statement. And now for Mr. Stanley's statement.

" Friends , Cowboys and Cowgirls I'm pleased to make this announcement on behalf of the N.P.R.C.A. and in honor and support of the recent generous offer extended by the Rogues Gallery Of Ludicrous Litigants. We are pleased to tell you that we have reached agreement with the aforementioned group to offer Rodeo College at all of their historically Black Universities and Colleges. Our curriculum will consist of the various Cowboy Arts and will be taught by faculty approved by the N.P.R.C.A. This will be a full four year degree granting program focusing on future employment in the Rodeo industry and will be a very hands on experience. Our goal is to help our Melanin Enhanced Brothers and Sisters to attain gainful employment in our industry and to bring a little good old fashioned Cracker Culture and diversity to these historically culturally deprived Black Institutions Of Higher Learning. We are also pleased to be able to announce that twice a month the N.P.R.C.A. will be bringing free Rodeo Under The Stars and country music concerts to inner city neighborhoods countrywide. Our first Rodeo and concert will take place Labor Day week-end and will feature Asleep At The Wheel, Allen Jackson , and Charley Pride. Also be aware that The Rogues Gallery Of Ludicrous Litigants will not only be attending but will be active participants. We look forward to a mutually satisfying cultural and educational experience with our Melanin Enhanced friends. See you in the fall. Thank you for your time."

Well CNBC can't wait for this. Kudos to the N.P.R.C.A. for Cowboying up and answering the challenge. It should be great fun to see Rev. Jessie " Hymie Town " Jackson bronc busting , Rev. Al " Tawana " Sharpton bull riding. He'll probably be good at that considering he's slung so much bull over the years, and Rev. " Calypso " Louis Farrakhan and Morris " Money Man " Dees boogeying down to Asleep At The Wheel.

CNBC Hopes we see you there.

Flour to the Crackers !! We SHALL BAKE !!

Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers !!

As a public service in order to understand our fellow humans of other persuasions CNBC { Cracker Nation Broadcasting Corp. } is pleased to bring you the following cultural presentation

The Ten Commandments of The Dumbasses { Dumbasses , Libertarians , Black Panthers , Feminists , Global Warming Alarmists etc etc ad infinitum}

1 . Thou shalt remain eternally confused for all the days of The Kingdom.

2. Thou shalt ignore all Conservatives utterly and totally no matter the validity of their position or ideas for all the days of The Kingdom.

3. Thou shalt have no other God before The God Of Secular Humanism for all the days of The Kingdom.

4. Thou shalt divide people by race, economic circumstances and sexual behavior for all the days of The Kingdom.

5. Thou shalt study no course of substance at the High School or University level for all the days of The Kingdom.

6. Thou shalt accept Saint Obama Of The Order Of The Dumbass Nubian Guys { DANGS } as my Earthly incarnation until such time as I deem his passing.

7. Thou shalt keep the Sabbath Time , Saturday night , Holy for all the days of The Kingdom.

8. Thou shalt honor thy Dumbass ancestors by celebrating a Holiday in memory of Saint Theodore Of The Cursed Chappaquidick Chariot on the 12 day of May annually.

9. Thou shalt praise me by praying to the Most High Saint Franklin Delano daily at sunset.

10. Thou shalt not wander from The Plantation of Dumbass Righteousness for all the days of The Kingdom

Flour to the Crackers !!! We SHALL bake !!!

Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers

Saint Obama Of The Order Of The Dangs { Dumbass Nubian Guys } OOOOPPPPSSSS I forgot to tell all of you that may not know --- Saint Obama is the one on the right.

The Plantation Of Righteousness of The Holy Church Of The Dumbasses

The story of " The Holy Church Of The Dumbasses " and ALL characters , plot lines , places , mythologies and anything else even REMOTELY associated with it / them are the exclusive intellectual property of Spacedteacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used for ANY PURPOSE WHATSOEVER without the expresse written consent of Spacedteacher

" The Holy Prayer Of The Dumbasses "

By Allen B.{ Concept For " The Holy Church Of The Dumbasses By Brother Isaac Greenwood and Brother Allen B.}

Yea though we walk through The Valley Of The Shadows Of Jindal and Palin we shall fear no Conservative. We walk in The Darkness of The God Of The Dumbasses. He is our protector , our life , our very reason for being. He is the Essence of Dumbassedness. We have the power of irrationality , juvenile emotionalism , the lack of critical thinking skills , the lack of deductive reasoning , a vile hatred of all things non secular and most importantly a complete disregard for the truth of Inconvenient Facts as our weapons. We are " The Comprehension Challenged ". We believe that " Perception IS reality." We are INVINCIBLE!!! He is a most powerful God. Ignorance is bliss!!! All HAIL " The God Of The Dumbasses "{ Drunken slurred speech in background. Applause} And that Ladies and Gentlemen is " The Holy Prayer Of The Dumbasses " Brother Isaac and I invite your comments

Flour to the Crackers !!! We SHALL bake !

Now go spread your crumbs around Crackers.

Liberons / Dumbasses / Democrats getting their talking points from Saint Obama OOOOPPPPSSSS!!!! I meant praying.

The story of " The Holy Church Of The Dumbasses " and ALL characters , plot lines , places , mythologies and anything else even REMOTELY associated with it / them are the exclusive intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used for ANY PURPOSE WHATSOEVER without the express written consent of Spaced Teacher

Breaking News !!!! Breaking News !!!! CNBC { Cracker Nation Broadcasting Corp. }

Confidential sources inform CNBC that Skippy Peanut Butter Co. Smuckers Preserves and Wonder Bread have formed an alliance against the recent Nationalization of The Pillsbury and Gold Medal Flower Companies by the Rye Krisp In Charge. When asked to comment on this new alliance by CNBC Thomas A. Grape the C.E.O. of Smuckers Preserves replied thusly " The Rye Krisp In Charge must not be allowed to get away with this act. A fundamental change to the American way of life such as this is dangerous to The Republic. Us Crackers need to stick together like peanut butter and jelly ."

Corporate jets have flown the beloved American icons such as Mrs. Fields , Famous Amos , Sara Lee , Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima to safety out of reach of the Rye Krisp In Chief. Ben and Jerry have refused the generous offer of sanctuary offered by their colleagues. When asked by CNBC for a comment as to why they replied as follows : " We are not bakers so we will not oppose RKIC. "

Stay tuned to CNBC for more details as they emerge.

Reporting for CNBC from Smuckers H.Q. in Plum Grove Oregon Wilhemina Baldwin Apple

Flour to the Crackers !!! We SHALL bake !!!

Inspiration for this story came from Cracker Kimmie. Spread those crumbs around Cracker Kimmie.