BREAKING NEWS !! BREAKING NEWS !! Cracker New Broadcasting Corp. - The OTHER CNBC Dateline : Boston , Ma. Jan 20 , 2013 CNBC sources have uncovered yet another Obama Administration cover - up . According to our sources there was a terrorist attack at Logan Airport in Boston , Massachusetts Thanksgiving Eve. As my regular readers will remember on Nov.12 , 2012 " Big Sis " issued a terror alert for Minnesota regarding a highly skilled team of terrorists enroute to Minneapolis , Mn. The Pervert Patrols were put on HIGH alert to stop these terrorists and had been anxiously trying to find them before they reeked havoc on America. Thanksgiving Eve they struck. The terrorist team mingled with the holiday crowds for about one hour without arousing the suspicion of anybody. How they were able to change into their uniforms and weapons in full view of everybody without arousing suspicion is certainly going to be cause for somebody's head to role. At 5:00 P.M. they STRUCK !!! Armed with only a string of pearls and a smile they stormed The Pervert Patrols waving their flag and shouting their slogans. The Pervert Patrols ran for their lounges in abject horror screaming " Oh my God we're under attack by Sweden. Somebody call " Big Sis " !!" Needless to say the patrons of the airport were quite stunned by this -- " Sweden ? Why the Hell are the Swedes attacking us? Haven't we apologized to them already. Why are they naked ? " Once the terrorists made certain that The Pervert Patrols were securely locked in their lounges they broke out their Swedish coffee and apple cake and invited their American cousins to sit and chat a while. FINALLY the Americans realized what was going on and broke into a standing ovation for these " terrorists " . After chatting for an hour it was time for the Hockey HitGrannies to board their flight to Minnesota. They were escorted onto their plane by the Captain and crew like the conquering heroines they were. By this time it had occured to a member of The Pervert Patrols that perhaps Washington needed to be notified since nobody seemed to give a damn about their plight. Tearing himself away from the cable porn in the lounge he finally figured out how to use the pay phone and called " Big Sis ". " B.S. " Was NOT amused by The Hockey HitGrannies. She called The Usurper In Chief for instructions. As usual when there is trouble in America he was not available. Our sources inform us that he was in Western Pennsylvania at a turkey farm where he was conducting the World Apology Tour by apologizing profusely to the local community for the hundreds of years of Avian Genocide committed by Americans of Caucasian European descent. Yes yes you and I know that Pennsylvania is part of America but seriously guys can you expect a Kenyan to know that? It's not his fault that he doesn't realize it's one of the 57 states. We're told that the Gobbler Nation were singularly unimpressed as are the inhabitants of most nations that have met him. During all the confusion while waiting for Washington to make a decision the flight crews of all departing flights and the control tower personnel being of sound mind and possessing great common sense saw to it that all passengers were seated WITHOUT being sexually molested and that all flights left on time and arrived on time. Meanwhile back at the World Apology Tour , Avian Genocide stop the Usurper In Chief's teleprompter malfunctioned so a message could not be gotten to him. The decision fell to The Joint Chiefs of Staff. The Joint Chiefs being military men and knowing a serious threat when they saw one did the only thing they could do. They dispatched 4 F 16's to escort the Hockey HitGrannies to Minneapolis. The pilots of these F 16's having been appraised of the situation and having great senses of humor added a nice little touch of their own. They attached the Swedish flag to their planes and gave a nice tip of the wings to the Hockey HitGrannies. You gotta love those Jet Jockeys !! lol God bless the U.S. Air Force. Yes yes I know that was an editorial comment. Now you've been reading this blog long enough to KNOW one was coming sooner or later. All other flights that left Boston were guaranteed clear skies by the U.S.A.F. Upon arrival in Minneapolis The Hockey HitGrannies were greeted by thousands of cheering Americans waving the Swedish flag and were given a police escort to their hotels. The local hotel managers being smart business people welcomed the Grannies with open arms and endorsement contracts. Commercials are in the works. There is no mold growing on these Grannies. lol The local Minnesota Swedish population is understandably thrilled with The Hockey HitGrannies. Tomorrow they are scheduled to have a meeting with the Governor of Minnesota. They and their Grandsons hockey teams will be the guests of the Minnesota Wild. The N.H.L. is reported to be interested in doing some promotional work with the Grannies and has guaranteed the Grannies 8 games in Sweden next season. I'm sure the Grannies can look forward to many more lucrative proposals coming their way. What a great Thanksgiving Holiday week-end it turned out to be courtesy of nineteen new American heroines from Sweden. " Big Sis " " The Usurper In Chief and The Pervert Patrols got punked by 19 Blue Haired Naked Swedish Granny " terrorists " wearing nothing but a string of pearls and armed with just a smile , and great charm and wit and all Americans made it home to their families on time WITHOUT being sexually molested and in good humor. God Bless the Swedish Hockey HitGrannies!! CNBC suggests that in honor of the Swedish Hockey HitGrannies we all fly the Swedish flag until the Grannies go home to Sweden next week. Would anybody like to bet that The Pervert Patrols just wave them right through on their flight home? lol Flour to the Crackers , Cookies and Pretzels !! We SHALL bake !!! Now go spread your crumbs around !!! Add Comment The Great Sugar Assassin Conspiracy Of Sweetwater Tx. She’s beautiful , charming , sexy and DEADLY!!! She’s A Sugar Assassin ” Havana Day Dreaming” or ” The Havana Sugar Cartel Strikes” In Dec. of this year a rather elderly but alert gentleman by the Name of Mr. Barton Park of Sweetwater , Texas began receiving,anonymously, baked goods from bakeries all over the country. Mr.Park being a diabetic and a naturally suspicious man,and ever mindful of the extremely difficult security situation his country was facing as a result of the events of Sept.11,2001 did what all good Americans would do. He called the authorities. In this case that was the Sugar Awareness Police A.K.A., known affectionately we hope, as the SAPS The SAPS are Federal Agents under the direct supervision of The Cracker Nation Department Of Domestic Security. As a consequence of this heinous attack on Mr. Park The Cracker Nation Department Of Domestic Security has declared that all bakers and confectioners are to be considered Domestic Terrorists until further notice. All citizens of The Great And Mighty Cracker Nation are strongly urged to approach all bakers and confectioners with the utmost caution in all dealings with them. The case was assigned to me as the Lead Investigator. My name is Major Dee Mentia. An investigation was launched. Preliminary field intelligence seemed to indicate that vile , despicable , nefarious , evil terrorist group The Havana Sugar Cartel was behind the attempted assassination of Mr.Park. We have no idea why they would want to assassinate an elderly retired gentleman such as Mr.Park. I assure all citizens that we will get to the bottom of this though . What we do know of the Havana Sugar Cartel is that they employ assassins,known as Sugar Assassins,to do their dirty work. In a rather cruel and ironic twist the Sugar Assassins always use sugar in one form or another to kill their victims. Since we now know that there is a Sugar Assassin operating in the Sweetwater Tx. area we urge all citizens of Texas to be extremely vigilant!!If you should go out to dinner in the immediate future you might want to think carefully about ordering that apple pie or carrot cake. We ask for the cooperation of the public at large in the on going investigation.If you have any information that may pertain to this investigation please feel free to call us at our toll free hot line 1-800-THE-SAPS or leave your tips in this forum as comments. Do not worry The Kleveland Kracker Korner is a secure site. They have TOP SECRET or T.S.15 security clearance.You needn’t be in fear of your identity being leaked or of any information you give us being used against you. In the coming weeks and months I will bring you up to date on past developments as well as current ones. In the meantime be—— HIGHLY VIGILANT!!! The BASTARDS are EVERYWHERE!!! Major Dee Mentia Lead Investigator{T.G.S.A.C.S.T.} Area 61 Maple Sugar Country U.S.A. 1-800-THE-SAPS majordeementia@yahoo.com www.klevelandkrackerkorner.com The Great Sugar Assassin Conspiracy Of Sweetwater Texas ” and all characters ,places,plot lines , mythology or ANYTHING else even REMOTELY associated with it are the intellectual property of Spaced Teacher D.B.A. Bea Wildered Enterprises and may not be used for ANY purposes without the express written permission of Spaced Teacher. “The Great Sugar Assassination Conspiracy Of Sweetwater Tx.” while obviously the victim of a great deal of literary license by the author is based on true events. This actually happened to a diabetic friend of mine. To the best of my knowledge he never did resolve the mystery. This was a cause of great concern to him. The names have been fictionalized to insure the guilty from liability be that criminal or civil and to protect the author,me against a Sugar Assassination attempt. That damn Havana Sugar Cartel is VICIOUS!!!! Merry Christmas from China. We hope The 12 Girls Band will get you in the Christmas Spirit , Chinese style. Breaking News !!! Breaking News !!! Cracker News Broadcasting Corp - The OTHER CNBC Dateline : N.Y.C. Dec. 22 , 2012 C.N.B.C. has an exclusive story from the world of entertainment for you today. The beloved American Kracker Icon who has been strangely silent for months now Richard " Kinky " Friedman is back. Mr. Friedman announced today that he will be sponsoring a very special Holiday Concert as part of his " Friday Night Rockin' With The Soldiers Of Allah Concerts And Pig Roasts " . This particular concert will be a mutli-cultural and inter - faith event celebrating Christmas , Ramadan , Chanukah and New Years Day . As always the entertainment line up will be top rate and will feature Kinky's 1960 's era now reformed ,thanks to Muzzie stupidity , band The Texas Jewboys and that dynamic and ever explosive band once from Damascus , Syria but since their conversion to Christianity and defection to , America One Way Ticket. Yes yes we are as shocked as you are that One Way Ticket will be appearing considering the recent Fatwa against them. Apparently The Soldiers Of Allah do not see the humor in these guys making tons of money with Mr. Friedman's company Crusader Records. CNBC asked Mr. Friedman about this and he replied thusly ' These guys are a freaking gold mine. I never let any other considerations get in the way of business. I assure you that I protect my investments with the best security possible. One Way Ticket have the best Mossad Agents in the world protecting them. Do not be overly concerned about their safety.' This spectacular event titled " Muzzie Claus In Manhattan " will take place on Dec. 29 , 2012 in the streets surrounding The Cordoba Center in N.Y.C. it will have the block party atmosphere that Mr. Friedman's concerts have become famous for. As a good faith gesture Mr. Friedman will be offering the following door prizes to any Muzzie that has the sense of humor and courage to claim them appropriately. 1. To any Muzzie that comes dressed as Muzzie Claus 50 lbs of Jimmy Dean sausage ,and a date with a Lady U.S. Marine. 2. To the best Muzzie Claus as voted on by the Christian audience members. a tour of Christian Holy sites in Israel escorted by volunteers from the I.D.F. , a Holy Bible { King James Version } a complete DVD collection of the Rev. Terry Jones works and a copy of Salman Rushdie's new book " The Fraud Of Holocast Denial " and a copy of every new " One Way Ticket " CD or DVD for life. 3. To the first 100 Muzzies that come dressed as Santa's Elves free dinner at Mr. Friedman's restaurant " Porkapalooza". 4. To the Muzzie with the best Santa's Elf Costume as chosen by Rachel , Santa's only female Messianic Zionist Elf , a personal visit to his family from Santa Claus who will be bearing gifts for this Muzzie's children including the latest fashions in suicide bomber attire and a scholarship to Jihadi University when the young lad or lass's time comes. The local chapter of The Anti - Defamation League voicing support of Mr. Friedman's attempt to build bridges with other cultures and faiths will be supplying free bagels with cream cheese and lox for all. The Council On Islamic American relations as usual will not be supporting this event in any way shape manner or form, quite to the contrary actually . CAIR has threatened any infidel who insults Islam in this way with public beheading.Some things never change, Yes yes we know that was an editorial comment. So sue us if you must !! The entertainment line - up as usual for a Kinky event will be first rate and include the following guests. Sandi Patty from Idiana , U.S.A. will open the festivities with her classice rendition of " The Star Spangled Banner. Kinky Friedman and The Texas Jewboys from Texas , U.S.A. with their smash hit " We Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore " Fatima Daoud and The Blue Dress Ladies from Beirut , Lebanon performing an always popular exhibition of belly dancing One Way Ticket the always dynamic and explosive band formerly from Damascus , Syria performing their signature hit " Fire !! I Bring You To Burn " and their new smash hit " Three Days Late " At the conclusion of their set " One Way Ticket " will be signing Bibles for any fellow Christians that request it. Kinky is a freaking business genius. Yes yes we know yet another editorial comment. Would you like us to refer you to an attorney? The 72 Virgins Heavenly Choir formerly from Tehran , Iran performing " It's Shouting Time In Heaven " These Ladies with Kinky's help recently converted to Judaism and now hail from Jerusalem , Israel. The Iranian Mullahs are said to be furious with Kinky and are on the verge of issuing yet another Fatwa against him. Kinky responded to that threat by signing The 72 Virgins Heavenly Choir to his recording label Crusader Records. God Kinky has BIG brass balls !!! Admit it guys wouldn't you like to get a peek at what's under those burqas? Song Sai Quan and The Shenyang Soul Shakers from Shenyang , Liaoning Province .China performing " Jingle Bells " Allison Durham Speer from Tennessee , America performing " Divine Love" Hu Ho Qi and his Guangzhou Gangsters Of God from The Pearl River Baptist Church in Gaungzhou , China performing " Silent Night " in Chinese and English. Karen Peck and New River from Georgia , America performing " Big Change " Dai " Diva " Du and her Sisters And Brother Of Hope from Shenyang , Lioaning Province , China performing the Chinese Christian Hymn " China Has Hope " in Chinese and English. Hiram " Hick " Hincklestein and his Haifa Hillbillies from Haifa , Israel performing a medley of Jewgras Chanuka favorites. The Gaither Vocal Band will close the evening's festivities with " Let Freedom Ring " There are unconfirmed reports that Snoop Dogg and The Village People will also appear. CNBC fully expects this rumor to come to fruition. Snoop Dogg and The Village people haven't let Kinky down yet. We at CNBC can't wait until Dec. 29. This promises as usual with a Kinky Friedman staged production to be a spectacular evening. We look forward to seeing you all there Merry Christmas Muzzies Please do remember to discard your litter properly since we have been informed by Karen " Cracker " Hopkins Director of The Cracker Intelligence Agency that The Confused Man - Children of Philadelphia A.K.A. The New Black Panther Party will have their " Litter Police " on the scene in order to try to claim that The Great and Mighty Cracker Nation is committing a racist litter crime against The Noble Panther And Other People of Color of America. Flour to the Krackers !! We SHALL bake !! Now go spread your Krumbs around Krackers This Kracker has it right !! lol Breaking News !!! Breaking News !!! Cracker New Broadcasting Corp. - The OTHER CNBC Dateline : Pocatello , Id. Dec. 20 , 2012 Police in Pocatello , Idaho are on the scene of a grisly murder. At 5:00 A.M. this morning they received a call from a local jogger that had the extremely unpleasant experience of discovering a dismembered body along one of the hiking trails in Sacajawea Park. He notified police immediately. The unfortunate deceased man has been identified as one Mr. Forrest " Frosty " T. Snowman. Detective Greg Boyd the Lead Investigator of this case released the following statement. " In my thirty years of law enforcement experience this is the most vicious crime I've seen. Evidence indicates that Mr. Snowman was tortured before he was killed by means of flash melting. In the snow near Mr. Snowman's body written in yellow snow were the words " For Jango " Mr. Snowman's body parts were scattered over a twenty foot radius. About one mile from the crime scene our investigators found a hair dryer and a wanted poster of George Zimmerman tossed into the woods. In what may turn out to be an unrelated incident four Melanin Enhanced men were caught on security cameras having a hissy fit while eating at the local Denny's.One of them was heard seriously berating a young Cracker waitress for being out of chocolate chips thusly precluding his desire for chocolate chip pancakes. ' Why is it that you have strawberry pancakes , banana pancakes and pineapple pancakes but no chocolate chip pancakes.This is yet another vile racist plot against The Noble Panther People fomented by the C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers. This Food Discrimination must stop. My people need food of color.' The young Cracker waitress summoning up calm beyond her years cancelled the men's orders and brought them all a serving of Apple Brown Betty. Apparently they did not see the humor in her actions. lol As they left in a huff they were heard to threaten the young Cracker Lady thusly : ' We'll be back soon and we'll have some Panthers from ' Da Hood with us. ' At this point some of our local Crackers stood up and drew their guns to protect the young Cracker Lady. ' Do call a few days in advance so I can stock up on chocolate chips ' the young Lady said as they beat the bricks out of town. Taking all the evidence found at the scene and this seemingly unrelated incident into account we have a few Persons Of Interest that we'd like to speak to one of whom we are very suspicious of being Mr. Snowman's murderer and possibly the mastermind of a terrorist anti - Cracker gang preying on Cracker Snowmans. We ask the public's help in apprehending these gentlemen. If you see any of these loathsome individuals please call the local authorities at 1-800-fuk-rev-jessy.Pleased do remember that these gentlemen are unarmed with intelligence and are to be considered stupid and dangerous. Do NOT approach them looking for intelligent conversation. In closing I'd like to express my condolences to Frosty's family. R.I.P. Frosty we hardly knew ye. I promise that the racist bastard that did this to you will be severely punished. " R.I.P. Frosty Rev. Al " Tawana " Sharpton when asked by CNBC for a comment regarding this vicious hate crime responded thusly " Why are you bothering me with this? Can't you see that I'm very busy frameing George Zimmerman. What the Hell do I care if some Idaho Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? The Cracker probably deserved it. Call me when some Brotha flash melts a Cracker Snowman on his way to 7 - 11 for iced tea and skittles. I 'll represent the Brotha for free just to piss off those Idaho Crackers. This is probably a racist plot by them Utah Mesals. They're still pissed about Spike Lee's GPS malfunction in The Utah Incident. " When asked for a comment regarding this vile hate crime by CNBC Clarence " Trashmouth " Hankins The Director Of Communications for The Confused Man - Children Of Philadelphia , DAMN I always make that mistake , I meant The New Black Panther Party replied thusly : " We don't have Snowmans in Liberia. Fuck Emily Wendy Bustnuttzz. Snowmans are a vile insipid racist plot fomented in the inner cities by The C.I.A. , George Bush , Rush Limbaugh and The Crackers to distract the children of The Noble Panther Nation from their true holiday Kwaanza. I and all Noble Panther People are glad this Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted. The Noble Panther People support the total eradication of all Cracker Snowmans. If those Idaho Cracker Snowmans want to rumble our hairdryers are locked and loaded. We'll rumble with them on all the ski slopes and in every backyard in Idaho. Victory to The Noble Panther Nation. " When asked for a comment regarding this vile racist hate crime Minister " Calypso " Louis " Farrakhan replied thusly : " What the Hell do I care if some Cracker Snowman got himself flash melted? Snowmans are a racist plot fomented in the inner cities by Jews to make young Black folks dependent on White people. This Jew Snowman probably got exactly what he deserved. When the war comes our people will be allied with The Noble Panther Nation. We will assist them in their eradication efforts of these vermin. " Points to " Calypso " Louie for being both predictable and original at the same time. It gets so boring when they all blame the C.I.A. , Rush , George and The Crackers. We at CNBC are a bit confused about how " Calypso " Louie knows that Mr. Snowman is a Jew though. One of Life's Little Mysteries we guess. Yes yes we know that was an editorial comment. President Obama according to our source " Digger "buried deep within the White House is said to be so distraught over " Frosty's " demise that he's seriously considering taking drastic action. " Digger " informs us that he has asked Michelle to Chair a task force to find solutions to the epidemic of hair dryer violence plaguing America. Shelley was at the hairdressers at the time though. She sent one of her fourty aides to inform her husband that as soon as her beauty appointment was over , she had lunch at McDonalds and checked the current NASCAR news she would consider his request. The President is so angry with Mrs Obama that he plans to fly to Chicago tomorrow to seek solace at The Down Low Club. The Liberals are reportedly deserting the President on this issue. Our sources inform us that they fear that if hair dryers are banned all illegal immigrant beauticians and nail technicians will flee the country thereby leaving these affluent Liberals only two choices. Hire an American to tend to their beauty needs at greatly increased cost or --- GASP !!! - do it themselves. Barbara Streisand is rumored to be testifying to Congress next week about the deleterious effects of a total hair dryer ban on the American economy. NOT reporting live from Pocatello , Id. for Cracker Nation News Broadcasting - The OTHER CNBC Jack Frost Flour to the Krackers !! We SHALL bake !!! Now go spread your krumbs around Krackers !! This Kracker has got it right !! |










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